Probation

20th March (Friday) - This is already my third week in a new environment, and I more or less gotten the basics. Like arranging a folder, setting the necessary forms, arranging an appointment. Really basic stuff to run your average place. But I tell you, once I get tons of customers there's no way the basics are going to save me. But at least I have a foundation to stand on.
Sigh... Of course being a new girl means probation. Oh, probation... It's the same everywhere. Which means NO HANDLING ON YOUR OWN, capiche? But it's hard, so tempting when everyone is doing something. Twice I screwed up by calling in patients without supervision. Although no harm is done, but my poor mentor will end up getting the blame if  something happens. Urgh, bad, bad, bad, bad. I can't let her take the fall for my mistake. But that is what will happen if I do screw up some more. Oh God, I have to mentally knock myself to make sure I remember what she drilled to me. Rain or shine, hurricane or typhoon, volcano eruption or tsunami, I must, no fail, call her before I do anything. Okay, I got it. Really.
To be on the safe side, I stick to her like glue and observe what she does. She's really efficient. No matter how patients  were there, she just handles them like nobody's business. I can cope up to a maximum of four patients, and that's it. Sad to say. Four is the limit for me, although hopefully I'll be able to expand slowly. Because who wouldn't like to attend to many customers? As business-driven people go, more customers means more profit. Who doesn't want more profit? But of course, not many can maintain their morals and values. It's difficult.
I'm trying though, trying to let go of the past that traumatized me. But who says it's easy to forget traumas? Sometimes I really envy those who could keep up the cheerful outlook in life, because they're strong that way. Able to put on a bright big smile and just let things flow. And according to most nurses I met, no matter how badly we were treated, by doctors and patients alike, we have to keep S-M-I-L-I-N-G. Oh, I'll try, I'll try.
So I ran into a few of my old patients and ended up helping the busier staff nurse to take vital signs. Uh huh, vital signs and I are like stuck to the hip, unable to let go. Well, these few patients really made my day. One of them kept teasing me, like when I dimmed the lights to allow the doctor to do an ultrasound, this patient went, "Why are you so romantic?" !!!!! Flustered, I explained to him its for doctor to see the scan clearly and he laughed and patted my arm, "I'm just joking." Back and forth he kept trading joking with me. It wasn't until before he left that the nurse pulled me aside and said, "He's a DOCTOR." Holy cow. And I kept calling him SIR. But he's a nice guy, and thank God I was super polite to him. Otherwise who knows what would've happened.
And there's my inpatient, whom, I'm sorry to say, I admit I have no idea where his room is to send him back since heaven forbid, if anything happens to the patient, I'll have to answer. And I hadn't had the chance to go exploring. Plus, his room in the ward needed an access card to get through. Bless him. He's a nice guy that he showed me where his room is and I waited til he went in safe and sound before I left and passed his folders over to the nurses at the counter. Then the Sister gently nudged me that I needed to put the folder in a bag next time because what if any loose papers drop out while I'm walking and someone happened to pick it up? Okay, point made.