31st March (Tuesday) - It's already the end of March, and April is just less than 12 hours away. There's not much to be said, except I'm still at the counter until further notice. Last minute I was given a half day off, which means hurriedly making a phone call to re-arrange my whole follow up. After much discussion, I settled for today after work. Not much I can do about it.
After clocking out to avoid unfair overtime claim, I went over for my follow up. Well, since on the first session I had emptied all my bottled up feelings, today's session involves identifying the problem in my workplace. Let's just say a nurse's job is never fun, and if you think about it, most of our job are really a big headache, but the goal of today's session is to find out what I dislike most and what I like most. She gave me a large sheet of paper with rankings on them and I'm supposed to list out the tasks that I had difficulties with.
As I pondered with the pen and list, what do I usually hate in my job? Well, I don't hate them all, but there are really some that drives me up to the wall, like paperworks, insurance, simple procedures with a sudden complicated twist, patients not turning up when you put so much effort in appointment... Yep, there's a lot of things in my head. To avoid further complications, I just list out as much as I could. When I'm done, I realized most things I listed out are ranging from 3 to 5, 8 to 10. (1 being the least complex, 10 being the worst.) The psychologist went though each of them, and I gave her the examples for the sections that I had listed.
Appointments - You would think patients would at least remember that they fixed an appointment with us, but sorry to say, most of them never turn up. After all the effort you went though. At least please give a phone call or something instead of making us and the poor doctors wait. My mentor warned me calling patients are a big NO-NO, unless it's important like dressings, but normal patients for normal follow up, we usually call them on the day itself, like after 30 minutes of the scheduled time to avoid getting nagged by the patient for being 'annoying' or 'busybody'.
Insurance - Absolute nightmare for everyone, except maybe for the admission counter. There are tons of insurance and besides making sure you got the right form, you have to make sure that the policy number and the form are a match. Some insurance have many categories to the point where there are several forms with the same logo but different details. And insurance agents always seem to call the wrong people. Nurses do not fax the insurance, those are all handled by the admin office, but heaven knows why they always call the nurses and doctors.
Investigations - Most of the time X-Rays are the most easiest and straightforward, but for MRI and blood test, it's a whole different level, especially MRI. You have to call the technicians/radiologists to get a slot, and pray hard that it's not too late. Because MRI is open to all, inpatients and outpatients, if it's just a normal case and not urgent/important, they tend to push the unimportant cases behind. To us it's not a big issue, but for patients, time is important. If you don't give them the time, they'll end up waiting the whole day and they're going to give you a whole lot of ticking off next time they see your face, and trust me, they never, NEVER forget your face.
Just a random few, but you get the idea. Because time was a little squeezed for this follow up session, the psychologist gave me a list of common thinking errors to identify and, all of things, a thought diary. Yes! I got to write a diary on my thoughts, as though I haven't been doing it all this while. Ha-ha-ha.
That's it for today, tomorrow I'm going to have to update the diary that she gave me, and if i have the time, I'll try to share it up here.
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Psychology Assessment
27th March (Friday) - I really have no idea how to write about this one. Will I be breaking a lot of rules here? But somehow, I feel like this is something to be shared, and I'll make it simple and brief. And hopefully I don't sound crazy.
I went to work as usual and the Sister finally arranged a psychology therapy for my mental breakdown. Uh, yes, no joke here. I went to register myself and the psychologist handed me a couple of sheets which I'm supposed to fill in. There's no right or wrong answers. It's merely a basic assessment about getting to know yourself better. I did read little bit about psychological assessment for research purpose, but in real life it's a little different. Well, not much, but this is briefly how it goes.
> Your past medical/surgical history
> How do you feel about yourself
> Have you ever taken drugs/ alcohol?
> Have you ever been in a relationship?
> What do you when you're upset?
It's a really brief, simple, assessment. Well, I tried filling in my answers as honest as possible, because if there's one thing I know, I'm going to have to be truthful in this, because I really need all the psychological support and help. And heaven knows I'm a wasteland inside while I still look normal on the outside.
After giving my consent, the psychologist led me to a cosy room with soft cushiony furnitures and dim lights. She explained to me briefly about the consent details and then we started off. It was like an interview, but mostly about expressing myself. Snot crying again (God, I hate crying), I poured out all the things that have been bottled up inside for all those years. Even though I only just met her, I feel like she's someone I can be honest to about my feelings. Previously, I did attend a so-called psychologist who claims he's an expert with teenage issues, but that so-called psychologist is, sorry to say, a horrible, arrogant, snob who makes you feel bad about yourself by giving harsh comments that always meant in the end, no matter how he tries to sweet-coat his words, you got no one to blame but yourself. Awful, I never one to see him ever again.
This psychologist, a female one, is really nice. She's so sweet, soft, caring, and tries to open your mind to see the positive signs about you. I was hesitant at first, only briefly telling her that I used to get a lot of gifts from patients back in my previous workplace, even though sometime I only did simple things for them, like asking how are they etc etc. And she went further on, "Isn't that a good thing? What does that describes you?" Well, I try to treat patients like my friends, someone who they can open up with, I don't want it to be too formal, and I want to ensure patients are always happy, even though hospitals can be a rather dull place. Being a patient a few times, once for medical treatment, another time for surgery had helped me in a way, allowing me to help share some of my experience with the patients. I maybe a nurse, but when I become a patient, I'm no longer a nurse, but just an ordinary person who comes seeking for treatment. She then said, "That is a quality that you possess. No one else can take it away from you. Same goes for your love of writing novels and drawing."
She then started the therapy by giving me two situations: One, you happen to be at a shopping mall and someone stepped on your foot. It hurts, but the person just walked off and never apologize. How would you feel? I feel a little irritated, he could at least say he's sorry, just a simple one will do. I don't expect anything else. Scenario number two, you happen to be at the same shopping mall,and the same person steps on your foot again. It hurts, but this time you notice the person is blind. How would you feel? This time, I feel neutral, because I'm sure he didn't mean it.
Two scenarios that were more or less the same, but with different reaction. Her conclusion was that I was overly too harsh on myself, thus leading to depresson. She then asked me what I planned to do next and I said, if I can just randomly pick one patient and just make him/her happy, I'll be happy enough too. Our session then ended with a follow up on next week plus a CD to guided relaxation.
And that concludes my psychological assessment.
I went to work as usual and the Sister finally arranged a psychology therapy for my mental breakdown. Uh, yes, no joke here. I went to register myself and the psychologist handed me a couple of sheets which I'm supposed to fill in. There's no right or wrong answers. It's merely a basic assessment about getting to know yourself better. I did read little bit about psychological assessment for research purpose, but in real life it's a little different. Well, not much, but this is briefly how it goes.
> Your past medical/surgical history
> How do you feel about yourself
> Have you ever taken drugs/ alcohol?
> Have you ever been in a relationship?
> What do you when you're upset?
It's a really brief, simple, assessment. Well, I tried filling in my answers as honest as possible, because if there's one thing I know, I'm going to have to be truthful in this, because I really need all the psychological support and help. And heaven knows I'm a wasteland inside while I still look normal on the outside.
After giving my consent, the psychologist led me to a cosy room with soft cushiony furnitures and dim lights. She explained to me briefly about the consent details and then we started off. It was like an interview, but mostly about expressing myself. Snot crying again (God, I hate crying), I poured out all the things that have been bottled up inside for all those years. Even though I only just met her, I feel like she's someone I can be honest to about my feelings. Previously, I did attend a so-called psychologist who claims he's an expert with teenage issues, but that so-called psychologist is, sorry to say, a horrible, arrogant, snob who makes you feel bad about yourself by giving harsh comments that always meant in the end, no matter how he tries to sweet-coat his words, you got no one to blame but yourself. Awful, I never one to see him ever again.
This psychologist, a female one, is really nice. She's so sweet, soft, caring, and tries to open your mind to see the positive signs about you. I was hesitant at first, only briefly telling her that I used to get a lot of gifts from patients back in my previous workplace, even though sometime I only did simple things for them, like asking how are they etc etc. And she went further on, "Isn't that a good thing? What does that describes you?" Well, I try to treat patients like my friends, someone who they can open up with, I don't want it to be too formal, and I want to ensure patients are always happy, even though hospitals can be a rather dull place. Being a patient a few times, once for medical treatment, another time for surgery had helped me in a way, allowing me to help share some of my experience with the patients. I maybe a nurse, but when I become a patient, I'm no longer a nurse, but just an ordinary person who comes seeking for treatment. She then said, "That is a quality that you possess. No one else can take it away from you. Same goes for your love of writing novels and drawing."
She then started the therapy by giving me two situations: One, you happen to be at a shopping mall and someone stepped on your foot. It hurts, but the person just walked off and never apologize. How would you feel? I feel a little irritated, he could at least say he's sorry, just a simple one will do. I don't expect anything else. Scenario number two, you happen to be at the same shopping mall,and the same person steps on your foot again. It hurts, but this time you notice the person is blind. How would you feel? This time, I feel neutral, because I'm sure he didn't mean it.
Two scenarios that were more or less the same, but with different reaction. Her conclusion was that I was overly too harsh on myself, thus leading to depresson. She then asked me what I planned to do next and I said, if I can just randomly pick one patient and just make him/her happy, I'll be happy enough too. Our session then ended with a follow up on next week plus a CD to guided relaxation.
And that concludes my psychological assessment.
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Dam Breaks
26th March (Thursday) - Okay, I knew things are going to be tough, but tough to the point where all the Directors and Sisters came rushing in? That was really extreme. I screwed up, okay, maybe it's not something big, but the tiniest mistake on an MC is a very big no-no. Because it's not nice, and it's a legal issue. And slow response (me again) is another big no-no. When patients comes in with active bleeding, you immediately grab the patient to the nearest treatment room and start the dressing and prep. Sad to say, I foolishly listened to the clerk, because of her statement, "There's nobody to take care of the counter." So, like an obedient slave, I did as she was told. Then I got a major lecture from my mentor for sitting at the counter. Oh for the love of, why did I listen to the clerk? WHY????
I was seething with anger, not at my mentor, mind you, but myself. I hated myself, loathe, abhor, you name it, frustrated not only of today, but with all of my previous days, getting chased out by a doctor who reminds me of So-and-So back at you-know-where, the paperworks, forgetting to charge my patient for their extras, not delving deeper into my patient's background, I was so hurt to the point where I clawed my hands til the Sisters and Director barge in like S.W.A.T. (in a nice way) to stop me from inflicting damage on myself. No, I'm dead serious. All the times I inflicted self-harm on myself were found out by them, and they told me to please, please stop. I will admit, I wasn't a pretty sight, my hands were red against my pale skin, so you can actually see the nails and lacerations all over, and tears are just streaming down from my face, and I was crying so hard til I can't even speak, only make gurgling sounds. And all the while I sounded like a lunatic, going, "What did I done wrong?" "I hate myself, I want to die right now." in a really ghostly moan and wailing. It was that bad. They listened to my woes, and despite all the snot-crying, as Zoey Redbird likes to say, they were nice to me and attempted to help me, by getting me psychological help to get me out of that dark, dark black hole. The Director is a really great lady, firm and sweet at the same time, she told me, "Nurses are powerful in the world. You may not see it now, but try doing it next time you fill out some forms. You will be very surprised with the reactions you get." Well, I haven't had the chance to see the magic works yet, but it'll come in time. She also made me swore on my heart, that I won't grab a blade and whatnot, including fingernails, to hurt myself any more, accident or intentional. And I do intend to keep that promise. I really do. Because my department is so small, when I inflict harm on myself, they'll be affected by me too. A very nice change, compared to my previous work place where everyone were ANTI-ME from the start, except for the nice profs and patients.
So what if my friends and family laugh and condemn nurses, just because we are not doctors, profs, or CEO and those big head honcho-type, the Director really had me convinced that nurse is something that I can be proud of, and I should never, ever let anyone shoot me down. As mentioned, not everyone can be nurses, it took 3 years of hellish training to pull through, and not to mention my beloved license, which has to be renewed every year. YES, which job has something like that? She mentioned people may go down overtime and they still have their job, but not nurses, never nurses, because we have to be competent. One false step and your license gets swept up under your feet.
So yeah, it wasn't a great day to begin with, but gradually, after talking to the Sisters and Director, I felt much better. Now, I think it's time I go for a shower and turn in early. Crying and pouring out your feelings is really exhausting work.
I was seething with anger, not at my mentor, mind you, but myself. I hated myself, loathe, abhor, you name it, frustrated not only of today, but with all of my previous days, getting chased out by a doctor who reminds me of So-and-So back at you-know-where, the paperworks, forgetting to charge my patient for their extras, not delving deeper into my patient's background, I was so hurt to the point where I clawed my hands til the Sisters and Director barge in like S.W.A.T. (in a nice way) to stop me from inflicting damage on myself. No, I'm dead serious. All the times I inflicted self-harm on myself were found out by them, and they told me to please, please stop. I will admit, I wasn't a pretty sight, my hands were red against my pale skin, so you can actually see the nails and lacerations all over, and tears are just streaming down from my face, and I was crying so hard til I can't even speak, only make gurgling sounds. And all the while I sounded like a lunatic, going, "What did I done wrong?" "I hate myself, I want to die right now." in a really ghostly moan and wailing. It was that bad. They listened to my woes, and despite all the snot-crying, as Zoey Redbird likes to say, they were nice to me and attempted to help me, by getting me psychological help to get me out of that dark, dark black hole. The Director is a really great lady, firm and sweet at the same time, she told me, "Nurses are powerful in the world. You may not see it now, but try doing it next time you fill out some forms. You will be very surprised with the reactions you get." Well, I haven't had the chance to see the magic works yet, but it'll come in time. She also made me swore on my heart, that I won't grab a blade and whatnot, including fingernails, to hurt myself any more, accident or intentional. And I do intend to keep that promise. I really do. Because my department is so small, when I inflict harm on myself, they'll be affected by me too. A very nice change, compared to my previous work place where everyone were ANTI-ME from the start, except for the nice profs and patients.
So what if my friends and family laugh and condemn nurses, just because we are not doctors, profs, or CEO and those big head honcho-type, the Director really had me convinced that nurse is something that I can be proud of, and I should never, ever let anyone shoot me down. As mentioned, not everyone can be nurses, it took 3 years of hellish training to pull through, and not to mention my beloved license, which has to be renewed every year. YES, which job has something like that? She mentioned people may go down overtime and they still have their job, but not nurses, never nurses, because we have to be competent. One false step and your license gets swept up under your feet.
So yeah, it wasn't a great day to begin with, but gradually, after talking to the Sisters and Director, I felt much better. Now, I think it's time I go for a shower and turn in early. Crying and pouring out your feelings is really exhausting work.
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Ungratefulness
24th March (Tuesday) - Ohhh, my back. Ugh, I knew that taking photo shots was tiring, but when you never experience it yourself, you won't know how tiring it was, not to mention the various poses. But whatever, it's off to work I go, despite my muscles are strained and aching.
Good grief, it never ceases to surprise me that some patients are really ungrateful. I know we are trained to always treat patients with compassion and heart, but what really irks me is that some are truly ungrateful who often gets away with it. Recently, I came across an article where a Hep B patient threw her needle at the doctors and nurses. The good thing was nobody was hurt, but does this means we have to bear with letting patients bully us?
I had come across patients' relatives in the wards, whom are extremely particular, took video of what we are doing, or even take photographs during our procedure. With the rise of technology and social media going on, it's very easy to just snap a photo and within minutes, it's all over facebook. It's horrible. It gives us a lot of tension and it makes us hard to care for patients. And sorry to say, patients are really, really goof at trying to find faults to blame us. I have a patient who once complained non stop about how a doctor did a surgery for him and it ended up being worse, only to have the statement backfired on him, that he himself had disobeyed the doctor's instruction, and in turn, caused his condition to get worse. I could've done the same thing with my eye surgery, but who would want to risk it?
When it comes to appointments, that's ten times worse. There are the good cooperative patients who take their appointments seriously, who will come without having us to call. Then there are some naughty ones, that won't bother to show up even though we fixed an appointment for them. Then there are some who made a lot of noise needing surgery, only to cancel at the last minute, making all of our hassle and the whole paperwork wasted. Then there are some who knew the doctors have no clinic hours on that particular day, yet insist on seeing them. Can't they be reasonable? Or please, be understanding? There was a patient who kept asking us to sort out her insurance, but the faxing and approval are not handled by us. We only prepare, get the authorized signature and hand it over to admission office. But this patient really doesn't get the hint, and kept calling and calling over and over again. When we asked to call her son, she went, "No! No! No! Don't call him! He's busy! And he's in a meeting!" How selfish. She thinks nurses all just sit at the counter. She didn't even consider to think that the nurses are basically throwing themselves for every patients, juggling all the paperwork, enduring fire from patients and doctors, assisting doctors and making sure patients are getting the best treatment. Seriously, it's just so sad.
What I'm trying to say is, please, please, please be considerate and respect others' jobs. Medical staffs are doing their very best to help out, yet all we ever get was a load of shouting and adding fuel to the already blazing inferno. I get it now why my old tutors say it's not easy to be a nurse, we have to carry a lot of burden on our shoulders.
Good grief, it never ceases to surprise me that some patients are really ungrateful. I know we are trained to always treat patients with compassion and heart, but what really irks me is that some are truly ungrateful who often gets away with it. Recently, I came across an article where a Hep B patient threw her needle at the doctors and nurses. The good thing was nobody was hurt, but does this means we have to bear with letting patients bully us?
I had come across patients' relatives in the wards, whom are extremely particular, took video of what we are doing, or even take photographs during our procedure. With the rise of technology and social media going on, it's very easy to just snap a photo and within minutes, it's all over facebook. It's horrible. It gives us a lot of tension and it makes us hard to care for patients. And sorry to say, patients are really, really goof at trying to find faults to blame us. I have a patient who once complained non stop about how a doctor did a surgery for him and it ended up being worse, only to have the statement backfired on him, that he himself had disobeyed the doctor's instruction, and in turn, caused his condition to get worse. I could've done the same thing with my eye surgery, but who would want to risk it?
When it comes to appointments, that's ten times worse. There are the good cooperative patients who take their appointments seriously, who will come without having us to call. Then there are some naughty ones, that won't bother to show up even though we fixed an appointment for them. Then there are some who made a lot of noise needing surgery, only to cancel at the last minute, making all of our hassle and the whole paperwork wasted. Then there are some who knew the doctors have no clinic hours on that particular day, yet insist on seeing them. Can't they be reasonable? Or please, be understanding? There was a patient who kept asking us to sort out her insurance, but the faxing and approval are not handled by us. We only prepare, get the authorized signature and hand it over to admission office. But this patient really doesn't get the hint, and kept calling and calling over and over again. When we asked to call her son, she went, "No! No! No! Don't call him! He's busy! And he's in a meeting!" How selfish. She thinks nurses all just sit at the counter. She didn't even consider to think that the nurses are basically throwing themselves for every patients, juggling all the paperwork, enduring fire from patients and doctors, assisting doctors and making sure patients are getting the best treatment. Seriously, it's just so sad.
What I'm trying to say is, please, please, please be considerate and respect others' jobs. Medical staffs are doing their very best to help out, yet all we ever get was a load of shouting and adding fuel to the already blazing inferno. I get it now why my old tutors say it's not easy to be a nurse, we have to carry a lot of burden on our shoulders.
Friday, March 20, 2015
Probation
20th March (Friday) - This is already my third week in a new environment, and I more or less gotten the basics. Like arranging a folder, setting the necessary forms, arranging an appointment. Really basic stuff to run your average place. But I tell you, once I get tons of customers there's no way the basics are going to save me. But at least I have a foundation to stand on.
Sigh... Of course being a new girl means probation. Oh, probation... It's the same everywhere. Which means NO HANDLING ON YOUR OWN, capiche? But it's hard, so tempting when everyone is doing something. Twice I screwed up by calling in patients without supervision. Although no harm is done, but my poor mentor will end up getting the blame if something happens. Urgh, bad, bad, bad, bad. I can't let her take the fall for my mistake. But that is what will happen if I do screw up some more. Oh God, I have to mentally knock myself to make sure I remember what she drilled to me. Rain or shine, hurricane or typhoon, volcano eruption or tsunami, I must, no fail, call her before I do anything. Okay, I got it. Really.
To be on the safe side, I stick to her like glue and observe what she does. She's really efficient. No matter how patients were there, she just handles them like nobody's business. I can cope up to a maximum of four patients, and that's it. Sad to say. Four is the limit for me, although hopefully I'll be able to expand slowly. Because who wouldn't like to attend to many customers? As business-driven people go, more customers means more profit. Who doesn't want more profit? But of course, not many can maintain their morals and values. It's difficult.
I'm trying though, trying to let go of the past that traumatized me. But who says it's easy to forget traumas? Sometimes I really envy those who could keep up the cheerful outlook in life, because they're strong that way. Able to put on a bright big smile and just let things flow. And according to most nurses I met, no matter how badly we were treated, by doctors and patients alike, we have to keep S-M-I-L-I-N-G. Oh, I'll try, I'll try.
So I ran into a few of my old patients and ended up helping the busier staff nurse to take vital signs. Uh huh, vital signs and I are like stuck to the hip, unable to let go. Well, these few patients really made my day. One of them kept teasing me, like when I dimmed the lights to allow the doctor to do an ultrasound, this patient went, "Why are you so romantic?" !!!!! Flustered, I explained to him its for doctor to see the scan clearly and he laughed and patted my arm, "I'm just joking." Back and forth he kept trading joking with me. It wasn't until before he left that the nurse pulled me aside and said, "He's a DOCTOR." Holy cow. And I kept calling him SIR. But he's a nice guy, and thank God I was super polite to him. Otherwise who knows what would've happened.
And there's my inpatient, whom, I'm sorry to say, I admit I have no idea where his room is to send him back since heaven forbid, if anything happens to the patient, I'll have to answer. And I hadn't had the chance to go exploring. Plus, his room in the ward needed an access card to get through. Bless him. He's a nice guy that he showed me where his room is and I waited til he went in safe and sound before I left and passed his folders over to the nurses at the counter. Then the Sister gently nudged me that I needed to put the folder in a bag next time because what if any loose papers drop out while I'm walking and someone happened to pick it up? Okay, point made.
Sigh... Of course being a new girl means probation. Oh, probation... It's the same everywhere. Which means NO HANDLING ON YOUR OWN, capiche? But it's hard, so tempting when everyone is doing something. Twice I screwed up by calling in patients without supervision. Although no harm is done, but my poor mentor will end up getting the blame if something happens. Urgh, bad, bad, bad, bad. I can't let her take the fall for my mistake. But that is what will happen if I do screw up some more. Oh God, I have to mentally knock myself to make sure I remember what she drilled to me. Rain or shine, hurricane or typhoon, volcano eruption or tsunami, I must, no fail, call her before I do anything. Okay, I got it. Really.
To be on the safe side, I stick to her like glue and observe what she does. She's really efficient. No matter how patients were there, she just handles them like nobody's business. I can cope up to a maximum of four patients, and that's it. Sad to say. Four is the limit for me, although hopefully I'll be able to expand slowly. Because who wouldn't like to attend to many customers? As business-driven people go, more customers means more profit. Who doesn't want more profit? But of course, not many can maintain their morals and values. It's difficult.
I'm trying though, trying to let go of the past that traumatized me. But who says it's easy to forget traumas? Sometimes I really envy those who could keep up the cheerful outlook in life, because they're strong that way. Able to put on a bright big smile and just let things flow. And according to most nurses I met, no matter how badly we were treated, by doctors and patients alike, we have to keep S-M-I-L-I-N-G. Oh, I'll try, I'll try.
So I ran into a few of my old patients and ended up helping the busier staff nurse to take vital signs. Uh huh, vital signs and I are like stuck to the hip, unable to let go. Well, these few patients really made my day. One of them kept teasing me, like when I dimmed the lights to allow the doctor to do an ultrasound, this patient went, "Why are you so romantic?" !!!!! Flustered, I explained to him its for doctor to see the scan clearly and he laughed and patted my arm, "I'm just joking." Back and forth he kept trading joking with me. It wasn't until before he left that the nurse pulled me aside and said, "He's a DOCTOR." Holy cow. And I kept calling him SIR. But he's a nice guy, and thank God I was super polite to him. Otherwise who knows what would've happened.
And there's my inpatient, whom, I'm sorry to say, I admit I have no idea where his room is to send him back since heaven forbid, if anything happens to the patient, I'll have to answer. And I hadn't had the chance to go exploring. Plus, his room in the ward needed an access card to get through. Bless him. He's a nice guy that he showed me where his room is and I waited til he went in safe and sound before I left and passed his folders over to the nurses at the counter. Then the Sister gently nudged me that I needed to put the folder in a bag next time because what if any loose papers drop out while I'm walking and someone happened to pick it up? Okay, point made.
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Spring Clean
14th March (Saturday) - When there's no doctors around, what do you do? Instead of sitting at counting down the minutes, it's spring cleaning time. :D Okay, on Saturdays there's only one doctor around, so one person have to attend to him, the rest of us have to do the spring cleaning. Tidy up the counter, tidy up the store, change the linen sheets, make sure we have enough forms and papers... Stuff like that. I changed the linen, a little different from what I expected, but no biggie, Instead of fitted linen like last time, all I had were sheeted linen, pillow case and blanket. One of the beds has no pillow so I just changed the sheet, then I have to lay the sheet of paper on top as an added layer. Everytime someone lays on top, we just tear the sheet off and insert a new one, neatly reset it.
The thing that shocks me the most was the Director came to do rounds and I did not notice. Oh my dear Lord, when I got out, the others had just finished cleaning the counter, and were asking whether I had seen the Director. I went, "What on earth are you both talking about?" And they said the Director just left, after asking how many staff were on duty. It's a good thing we had more than two working otherwise there is going to be big trouble. Since they said the week before I joined, a patient ended up in a Code Blue. After that incident, we have to make sure there are at least two people on duty.
So the doctor came in later, cause he has some errands to do, once he came in, he said he got a patient coming in, referred by another doctor. A foreigner. Oh dear, he brought a kid along. Sigh, the kid is super active. It reminds me of the really out of control kids that I sometime saw in outside, like supermarkets or kids that you see in big events. The kind that go running around and touching everything out of inquisitive while the parents don't bother to control. This is the one thing that really irritates me. Especially in the hospital, where there's so many things that are sterile, medicines, equipments and needles lying around. Nowadays patients are looking around to blame people, especially in the private sector. Sad to say because now patients know their rights, and they are highly educated. Scary isn't it? I won't go into details in here but long story cut short, the patient was scheduled for op , and with the necessary documents handed in, he's cleared for admission and we can finally end our half-day shift.
The thing that shocks me the most was the Director came to do rounds and I did not notice. Oh my dear Lord, when I got out, the others had just finished cleaning the counter, and were asking whether I had seen the Director. I went, "What on earth are you both talking about?" And they said the Director just left, after asking how many staff were on duty. It's a good thing we had more than two working otherwise there is going to be big trouble. Since they said the week before I joined, a patient ended up in a Code Blue. After that incident, we have to make sure there are at least two people on duty.
So the doctor came in later, cause he has some errands to do, once he came in, he said he got a patient coming in, referred by another doctor. A foreigner. Oh dear, he brought a kid along. Sigh, the kid is super active. It reminds me of the really out of control kids that I sometime saw in outside, like supermarkets or kids that you see in big events. The kind that go running around and touching everything out of inquisitive while the parents don't bother to control. This is the one thing that really irritates me. Especially in the hospital, where there's so many things that are sterile, medicines, equipments and needles lying around. Nowadays patients are looking around to blame people, especially in the private sector. Sad to say because now patients know their rights, and they are highly educated. Scary isn't it? I won't go into details in here but long story cut short, the patient was scheduled for op , and with the necessary documents handed in, he's cleared for admission and we can finally end our half-day shift.
Friday, March 13, 2015
Obnoxious and Walk Ins
13th March (Friday) - Joining into my new workplace, I love the people there, of course, the paperwork are up high once more compared to last time, where procedures are always more, but that's the fun part. Procedures, not paperwork. Most hospitals are saying they want to do away paperworks and go for a paperless way, that's in...computer system. Well, it's not to say that it's not good, but come on, who likes paperworks? The whole point of nursing is doing procedures. Sometimes I think the paperworks really kill us, but on the other side, the paperworks is to protect us from legal issues, that's why documenting in black and white is super important.
If it's not the paperworks killing us, you know what else kills us? Patients. Obnoxious patients. Sorry to say, but as I mentioned many times, and if you had been keeping with the news, people don't seem to have hearts any more. People nowadays just go up to you and demand your life, not your money. And when you go out to find a parking, let me tell you, people are willing to bang each other for parking. Today I witnessed three extremely, thoughtless young men awaiting a parking. There's blank space their left, but on the right, a car is slowly going out. Since my family and I just arrived, we thought of taking that parking and leaving those three men the parking space. But you know what they did? They stubbornly refused that parking and insisted on taking that parking instead of the one at their side. Ohhhhh, how stubborn, stubborn, stubborn fools. They were already overshot from that parking space and persisted on taking that parking space, forcing us to reverse as they take that space. What I don't get is the side parking is just a two cars down, but why do they insist on being so hard-headed on taking that space. And yet they had the nerve to look as though nothing's happened. And that little drama was witnessed by the parking guards.
Work is no picnic. No, I actually love my job, but the patients... My goodness, had I really swapped all of my kind patients for these...these people who throw money in our faces and demand us to serve them NOW??? Forget about saying that you're busy, forget that you're short on staff, once they come, they often go, "I'm paying you money, so get someone to serve me NOW." I know customers are always right, but can't they be understanding? I seriously doubt they ever heard of the word karma. It took all of my patience just to be polite and keep my cool on. The one thing that often gets me pissed was wrong diagnosis, another is wrong referral. According to my dad, people tends to think STONE means UROLOGY, not knowing that it's a stone in the gall bladder. Or when it comes to KIDNEY, it means UROLOGY, again, not knowing that UROLOGY is mainly to do with the urinary system, whereas KIDNEY is on the NEPHROLOGY side. It's not to say that the doctors can't treat people, but imagine if you are a specialist, and someone came to you complaining of minor fever. Wouldn't you start yelling? Sadly to say, people never seem to get the hint. If both parties are reluctant to communicate, we'll be getting nowhere.
Off to sleep now, tomorrow is going to busy, guaranteed.
If it's not the paperworks killing us, you know what else kills us? Patients. Obnoxious patients. Sorry to say, but as I mentioned many times, and if you had been keeping with the news, people don't seem to have hearts any more. People nowadays just go up to you and demand your life, not your money. And when you go out to find a parking, let me tell you, people are willing to bang each other for parking. Today I witnessed three extremely, thoughtless young men awaiting a parking. There's blank space their left, but on the right, a car is slowly going out. Since my family and I just arrived, we thought of taking that parking and leaving those three men the parking space. But you know what they did? They stubbornly refused that parking and insisted on taking that parking instead of the one at their side. Ohhhhh, how stubborn, stubborn, stubborn fools. They were already overshot from that parking space and persisted on taking that parking space, forcing us to reverse as they take that space. What I don't get is the side parking is just a two cars down, but why do they insist on being so hard-headed on taking that space. And yet they had the nerve to look as though nothing's happened. And that little drama was witnessed by the parking guards.
Work is no picnic. No, I actually love my job, but the patients... My goodness, had I really swapped all of my kind patients for these...these people who throw money in our faces and demand us to serve them NOW??? Forget about saying that you're busy, forget that you're short on staff, once they come, they often go, "I'm paying you money, so get someone to serve me NOW." I know customers are always right, but can't they be understanding? I seriously doubt they ever heard of the word karma. It took all of my patience just to be polite and keep my cool on. The one thing that often gets me pissed was wrong diagnosis, another is wrong referral. According to my dad, people tends to think STONE means UROLOGY, not knowing that it's a stone in the gall bladder. Or when it comes to KIDNEY, it means UROLOGY, again, not knowing that UROLOGY is mainly to do with the urinary system, whereas KIDNEY is on the NEPHROLOGY side. It's not to say that the doctors can't treat people, but imagine if you are a specialist, and someone came to you complaining of minor fever. Wouldn't you start yelling? Sadly to say, people never seem to get the hint. If both parties are reluctant to communicate, we'll be getting nowhere.
Off to sleep now, tomorrow is going to busy, guaranteed.
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Dilemna
11th March (Wednesday) - I finally did it. Somehow, I managed to gather enough courage to speak to the Sister about the ghosts from the past that kept haunting me. I have to say, she's a rather nice change from my previous environment. She listened to my woes and dilemna as I poured out how my doubts are torturing me. She just gave a kind laugh and said, "Well, you're only 7 days old, and you're working here for the first time. You can't expect too high of a standard for yourself." She does have a point, but today I was finally tasked with two things that nearly made me lost. Booking for OT and injection. Uh-oh. I did what I could, but I'm not fast. So it took me a really long time on to find the right papers.Then because now doc has his new chop, so I have to take the task of slowly stamping each paper from zero til the end. A slight mistake is not an option. The chop has to be clear and precise. A mistake means tearing the paper and considered wasted.
Booking OT is a really tough task. Since I have to wait for the doctor to confirm everything before I dash things off, I'm half lost at the amount of paper work. Thank God he was a nice guy otherwise I think I'll be shivering. It's a first, it's a first. I was hoping to catch up fast but as the Sister said, "Absolutely impossible. It took me a month to remember THINGS, Can you imagine how long it'll take for me to remember system work flow and process?" Seeing it took me at least 3 months to stop shaking, and another 3 months to handle blood taking like nobody's business. I'm not going to let people keep me down, but of course, anywhere you go it's the same. No matter how nice people treat you, they are going to push you hard. The only comfort I had was another Sister advised me to stay strong. The most important thing is to keep the initiative strong and memorize the important stuff, like your basic nursing principles like hand-washing and sterility. And since now my doctor is slowly becoming well known, his patients are slowly increasing by the minute, which yes, I have to run like a crazy person back and forth. Thank God the Sister briefed me and remembering what I was taught, I just handled it, it's rocky but it's a start. A START.
Booking OT is a really tough task. Since I have to wait for the doctor to confirm everything before I dash things off, I'm half lost at the amount of paper work. Thank God he was a nice guy otherwise I think I'll be shivering. It's a first, it's a first. I was hoping to catch up fast but as the Sister said, "Absolutely impossible. It took me a month to remember THINGS, Can you imagine how long it'll take for me to remember system work flow and process?" Seeing it took me at least 3 months to stop shaking, and another 3 months to handle blood taking like nobody's business. I'm not going to let people keep me down, but of course, anywhere you go it's the same. No matter how nice people treat you, they are going to push you hard. The only comfort I had was another Sister advised me to stay strong. The most important thing is to keep the initiative strong and memorize the important stuff, like your basic nursing principles like hand-washing and sterility. And since now my doctor is slowly becoming well known, his patients are slowly increasing by the minute, which yes, I have to run like a crazy person back and forth. Thank God the Sister briefed me and remembering what I was taught, I just handled it, it's rocky but it's a start. A START.
Monday, March 9, 2015
On Thin Ice
9th March (Monday) - Don't you ever hate that feeling? The part where you are often bullied or someone is making your life hell and no one takes you seriously. "Oh, I'm sure those people are nice. You are just over-reacting." "Don't speak nonsense." "I'm sure So-and-So doesn't mean it..." "Stop saying that you are depressed. You are NOT." "Stay silence again and I'll slap you..."I heard all of it before, and I'm really sick of hearing it, especially from my own family. It's like listening to a broken jukebox. Do they think those hollow look are just for show? Or the fact that I always look so tense when I'm going to work? Or does the fact that I look so robotic barely even got their attention? No, they just think I had a severe lack of confidence. I am shy, I'll admit that, with some self-esteem issue, but do they how I was often bullied to the point where I'm on the verge of tears? Or to the point where dark thoughts runs through my mind whenever I'm feeling down? No, it never does. Sad to say but that's how most parents act these days. No offence. I've been reading news on how children get bullied in school, and most parents shrug it off as though it's no big deal.
The problem is most people these days thinks major depression is something that will just go away. Maybe... But these days I'm getting a lot of dark thoughts where sometimes I can't remember how I got lines running down my arms. And no matter what I do, my own family had never, ever, gave me motivation, expect making me feel worse about myself. "You are always so tense and shy, no wonder why everyone always step on you." "You always have to do stupid mistakes. Why can't you be like HER? She's perfect in everything she does." "Why do you always end up doing the same thing at every place? You're useless." "Stop talking thrash. There's no such thing in the world as depression. You've been drinking too much of your psychology tutor's words." "If you say that you are depressed one more time, I'll throw away all of your books." And I assure you, there's nothing worse than your own family not believing you. Because all of it were just words, they don't take it too seriously. If only they knew by seeing how I was treated on the inside. Outside there's no physical scars, but mentally and emotional scars are something that's beneath. I lost count how many people had took a look at my face and said, "Do you need to go to see the psychiatrist?" Believe me, I wanted to. But psychiatrist fees cost a lot of money, and my salary aren't able to cover it, not to mention the number of sessions that I may need to attend to, depending on how things goes.
I'm not saying that I don't love my new workplace. I love it, honestly, I love it truly and I embraced all the jobs that came to me, but old ghosts from my past seemed to haunt me. Sometimes when I screwed up, I suddenly paled and blank out, unable to concentrate on the task I've been given. The senior girl is worried about me, because as she put it, "With no morale support and back up, you can't survive." I poured out all my woes to her over breakfast and lunch were we had some private time, and she really advised me to go to a psychiatrist or a counsellor to sort out my wasteland of a life out of concern. Seeing how I delayed this for too long, maybe I might...
O-Town - Coming to the Rescue
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAKhFaF-Xz0
The problem is most people these days thinks major depression is something that will just go away. Maybe... But these days I'm getting a lot of dark thoughts where sometimes I can't remember how I got lines running down my arms. And no matter what I do, my own family had never, ever, gave me motivation, expect making me feel worse about myself. "You are always so tense and shy, no wonder why everyone always step on you." "You always have to do stupid mistakes. Why can't you be like HER? She's perfect in everything she does." "Why do you always end up doing the same thing at every place? You're useless." "Stop talking thrash. There's no such thing in the world as depression. You've been drinking too much of your psychology tutor's words." "If you say that you are depressed one more time, I'll throw away all of your books." And I assure you, there's nothing worse than your own family not believing you. Because all of it were just words, they don't take it too seriously. If only they knew by seeing how I was treated on the inside. Outside there's no physical scars, but mentally and emotional scars are something that's beneath. I lost count how many people had took a look at my face and said, "Do you need to go to see the psychiatrist?" Believe me, I wanted to. But psychiatrist fees cost a lot of money, and my salary aren't able to cover it, not to mention the number of sessions that I may need to attend to, depending on how things goes.
I'm not saying that I don't love my new workplace. I love it, honestly, I love it truly and I embraced all the jobs that came to me, but old ghosts from my past seemed to haunt me. Sometimes when I screwed up, I suddenly paled and blank out, unable to concentrate on the task I've been given. The senior girl is worried about me, because as she put it, "With no morale support and back up, you can't survive." I poured out all my woes to her over breakfast and lunch were we had some private time, and she really advised me to go to a psychiatrist or a counsellor to sort out my wasteland of a life out of concern. Seeing how I delayed this for too long, maybe I might...
O-Town - Coming to the Rescue
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAKhFaF-Xz0
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Expressway
4th March (Wednesday) - Oh dear, I seem to be getting lost all the time. How did I find the punchcard machine? Well, just like how you follow the cosplayers and you will find the comic fest, this is follow the staff and you will find the punchcard machine. No more scanning thumbprints. I always found that a little difficult because if your thumb gets cut, injured, skin peeled, too dry, wet or get dirtied by ink stains, you can't thumb in and out, which is really frustrating. And for some people the machine often cannot read your thumbprint unless you clean your finger, as in really, really clean it. It's a rather nice change, I must say.
I still haven't gotten my tour of the hospital yet, so usually I have to look at the signs, or count on the staff and pray hard that I remember my way. Some places don't have signs so I have to ask people. Like certain areas I had to ask for help and apparently I had to go out through the lower ground floor and into another area of the next building. Oh, I got a map and all, but it doesn't really specify the directions, which is a little difficult. For the areas that I am familiar with, I used the stairs. Need to lose all the weight I gained during CNY.
People actually laughed at me for taking up an office hour job. Allow me to point out now with an office hour job instead of a shift job, I have more time to spend with my family (Mom has been complaining I'm never home for dinner a lot), I can sleep in little bit late (An hour, but still.), I can go back at 5.30 (Unless there are last minute patients rushing in, then we have to assist the doctors til they leave.), for PH I'll definitely get them, so I don't need to worry a lot about not getting leaves, there's only very few of us, so it's easy for us to rotate and cooperate. Of course, it's something new again. It's back to square one but I'm not complaining. I really hope I can use perform well. I don't want to change job again.
I finally gotten myself a much more clearer map, but I still find myself getting lost. Sigh... I answered a lot of calls today, didn't even get the chance to assist the doctors due to the non-stop calls. Good thing I sat at the counter the whole time, once I put the phone down, another rings, once I put down, another call comes. Sometimes I have to run back and forth with the cordless phone.
I still haven't gotten my tour of the hospital yet, so usually I have to look at the signs, or count on the staff and pray hard that I remember my way. Some places don't have signs so I have to ask people. Like certain areas I had to ask for help and apparently I had to go out through the lower ground floor and into another area of the next building. Oh, I got a map and all, but it doesn't really specify the directions, which is a little difficult. For the areas that I am familiar with, I used the stairs. Need to lose all the weight I gained during CNY.
People actually laughed at me for taking up an office hour job. Allow me to point out now with an office hour job instead of a shift job, I have more time to spend with my family (Mom has been complaining I'm never home for dinner a lot), I can sleep in little bit late (An hour, but still.), I can go back at 5.30 (Unless there are last minute patients rushing in, then we have to assist the doctors til they leave.), for PH I'll definitely get them, so I don't need to worry a lot about not getting leaves, there's only very few of us, so it's easy for us to rotate and cooperate. Of course, it's something new again. It's back to square one but I'm not complaining. I really hope I can use perform well. I don't want to change job again.
I finally gotten myself a much more clearer map, but I still find myself getting lost. Sigh... I answered a lot of calls today, didn't even get the chance to assist the doctors due to the non-stop calls. Good thing I sat at the counter the whole time, once I put the phone down, another rings, once I put down, another call comes. Sometimes I have to run back and forth with the cordless phone.
Monday, March 2, 2015
Enter March
2nd March (Monday) - A brand new day, a brand new month, a brand new workplace. The very thought makes me wants to dance around. No more thinking of the past, it's a clean fresh start, a blank slate for me.
I feverishly prayed hard that this will finally be the place for me to be happy, a chance where I can finally belong to after a lot of pitfalls. The workload was demanding, of course, but I guess that's what makes it a challenge in life. It's like I always say, if things are too simple, we might end up being potatoes, or things might end up being dull. If writing were so simple, I don't think authors will be cracking their heads for research and new ideas. I'm aiming for the completion of sequel for Supernatural Demon Slayers by this year, but with the new environment to catch up to, I'm a little afraid I own't make it on time, but I must persevere @.@
Of course, orientation is a must for new staff. And as always, I gotten myself lost...again. Sigh, this is getting really ridiculous. I have a map for this round, yet I ended up in the wrong place because when I use a different lift, I ended up coming from the other side and have to double back. Compared to my previous workplace, this is nothing, but still I find myself getting lost. Precisely why I refused to use the stairs even though I'm only working a few floors up, because sometimes you never know where you ended up to, although once I fully got the navigation right, I will resort to the stairs because I can never be patient for waiting for the lifts, especially when I used to work at the highest floor and everyone kept stopping at each floor. So frustrating and makes me re-think the whole elevators are convenient statement.
I was expected to master everything in 6 months, and again, I got a little worried. I had a 6 month experience at a multi-discipline ward but now I'm exposed to another new environment. Can I manage it? Of course, I have to believe and stay strong. This maybe a new environment, but procedures are the same, except the workflow, but protocols usually stays the same, more or less. I wasn't allowed to touch anything on my first day, but with everyone so busy, I was advised to sit at the counter and man the phones. Uh-huh. The funny part was... since I was at a new workplace, I was a little off because my mouth was about to say the wrong hospital name, but I somehow managed to form the right words out, and I did not forgot my telephone courtesy. Since I didn't recognize most people, I ended up going a lot of "Um,um, please hold a moment." When the caller found out I was new, she took pity on me and left a message, which I managed to write down with precision, except the person that she wants, never showed up in the end due to the conflict in her schedule.
For some weird reason, I only just came in and then many staff were showing up requiring my signature. Wha-at? I've been here less than 24 hours and already everyone were like, "I need you to sign here, missy." Ah, okay. Although I'll say that my signature is really horrible, unless you want my author signature, but then that wouldn't be legal.
Since now I'm working office hours, expect some posts to be late or combined, but as always, I'll try my best to update each day, unless I'm too busy or too exhausted.
I feverishly prayed hard that this will finally be the place for me to be happy, a chance where I can finally belong to after a lot of pitfalls. The workload was demanding, of course, but I guess that's what makes it a challenge in life. It's like I always say, if things are too simple, we might end up being potatoes, or things might end up being dull. If writing were so simple, I don't think authors will be cracking their heads for research and new ideas. I'm aiming for the completion of sequel for Supernatural Demon Slayers by this year, but with the new environment to catch up to, I'm a little afraid I own't make it on time, but I must persevere @.@
Of course, orientation is a must for new staff. And as always, I gotten myself lost...again. Sigh, this is getting really ridiculous. I have a map for this round, yet I ended up in the wrong place because when I use a different lift, I ended up coming from the other side and have to double back. Compared to my previous workplace, this is nothing, but still I find myself getting lost. Precisely why I refused to use the stairs even though I'm only working a few floors up, because sometimes you never know where you ended up to, although once I fully got the navigation right, I will resort to the stairs because I can never be patient for waiting for the lifts, especially when I used to work at the highest floor and everyone kept stopping at each floor. So frustrating and makes me re-think the whole elevators are convenient statement.
I was expected to master everything in 6 months, and again, I got a little worried. I had a 6 month experience at a multi-discipline ward but now I'm exposed to another new environment. Can I manage it? Of course, I have to believe and stay strong. This maybe a new environment, but procedures are the same, except the workflow, but protocols usually stays the same, more or less. I wasn't allowed to touch anything on my first day, but with everyone so busy, I was advised to sit at the counter and man the phones. Uh-huh. The funny part was... since I was at a new workplace, I was a little off because my mouth was about to say the wrong hospital name, but I somehow managed to form the right words out, and I did not forgot my telephone courtesy. Since I didn't recognize most people, I ended up going a lot of "Um,um, please hold a moment." When the caller found out I was new, she took pity on me and left a message, which I managed to write down with precision, except the person that she wants, never showed up in the end due to the conflict in her schedule.
For some weird reason, I only just came in and then many staff were showing up requiring my signature. Wha-at? I've been here less than 24 hours and already everyone were like, "I need you to sign here, missy." Ah, okay. Although I'll say that my signature is really horrible, unless you want my author signature, but then that wouldn't be legal.
Since now I'm working office hours, expect some posts to be late or combined, but as always, I'll try my best to update each day, unless I'm too busy or too exhausted.
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