Stockholm Syndrome

I won't stand in your way

Let your hatred grow

And she'll scream

And she'll shout

And she'll pray

And she had a name

Yeah she had a name

And I won't hold you back

Let your anger rise

And we'll fly

And we'll fall

And we'll burn

No one will recall

No one will recall

This is the last time I'll abandon you

And this is the last time I'll forget you

I wish I could

Muse - Stockholm Syndrome, 14th July 2003, Mushroom,

Produced by Rich Costey, Muse

Stockholm Syndrome : Also known as capture-bonding. A psychological phenomenon in which hostages express empathy and sympathy and have positive feelings towards their captors, sometimes to the point of defending and identifying with the captors. These feelings are generally considered irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims, who essentially mistake a lack of abuse from their captors for an act of kindness.  (Wikipedia, 17th November 2010)

31st December (Wednesday) - It's the end of the year, and what a year it has been. Now I'm close to entering my fifth month of working, although with that inches thick of negative comments, I fear it is impossible to get positive feedbacks to outweigh the negative ones. Although these days when I'm not paired with the mean seniors, I actually feel light in my soul, unless you count some really mean profs, but I rarely see them. Thank heavens (But I'll definitely see them one way or another if their patients arrive).

Still not much patients since it's the end of the year, and with the school breaks being extended to another week due to the floods. And the horrible news of the AirAsia plane finally being found in the deep depths. Good gracious, here in Malaysia we already had a lot of aviation incidents, from missing airplanes, to being shot down in a heavily fired war-zone, and foreign boats sinking, like the one in Korea and most recently, somewhere near Greece (If I'm not mistaken). Things that never happens are all happening when we least expect it. My dad even jokingly once mentioned that it's like Titanic happening all over again.

Work is just like normal, we got two children coming in. One is alright, but the other, she had genetic problems, which means there's only one prof who is an expert in genetic problems in children. HIM. Oh God, not him. He's the type of prof whom I labelled as perfectionist. I followed him once, as a lowly new staff who does not know anything about him. He basically gave me a major bullocking, but not to the point where he chased me out of the room which he did to the other girl, leading to the point where another junior but with more experience to take over. He love to ask, "Do you know what you are doing? If you don't, then get out." "Why is everywhere full of useless junior girls?! I want senior girls." "Tell me what are all these tubes for." Not easy to handle him, I was having a really bad cough to the point where I swallowed one Prednisolone tab and drag myself to work. The good news, I did not cough like mad during work, or in front of the patients. But because the prof demanded a third person to come and help him, what could I do but put on a mask and ran in. Thank God I'm used to him after that first time. So when he asked me to get the bottles ready, I got all the vacuum tube ready as he pierced the child with a butterfly needle and get the blood filled, but because three more bottles weren't enough, he tossed the butterfly needle aside and used what he calls an open bottle technique. So once I got all the vacuum tubes all opened and ready, he pricked the child with a needle and we managed to get enough blood drops into the bottle. Whew, close save. At least he isn't pissed, although I answered all of his questions wrong since I never read the notes. Yes, the colours for each specific tests are correct, but for his case it's a child. At least he isn't pissed as my friend shook her head and answered him since she prepared a list beforehand after I warned her his personality. Sigh... At least I hope he isn't going to go "I want senior girls only" cause we manage a good job, although we'll need a total of three people to assist him.

In a way, going to work is like survival, like Stockholm Syndrome, minus the whole captors kidnapped stuff. Cause I ended up getting slammed but had to swallow it down. And according to some people, I was defending the people who had slammed me because I refuse to bring matters up to the Head. Whatever, it's the end of the year, so let's just wipe the slate clean and begin the journey anew.

Thanks prof for the pamelo. :D

Muse - Stockholm Syndrome : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXN9acC9edU

Blood Transfusion

30th December (Tuesday) - Today I'm going to talk about my favourite procedure. Blood transfusion. :D Back in the days where I was a student, I rarely get to see blood transfusion, well, unless you are in the Daycare, but then there's no supervisor to observe and give you your cross, so it's out of the question. In all of my students year, I only managed to transfuse tiny packs of platelets. Whole blood or packed cells, never. So I gotten chances to practice my blood transfusion and let's just say, I seemed to enjoy playing with the bag. No, not throwing it up and down. But I enjoy poking it, especially if it's fat (> 400 ml ). *pokes bag*
So far the blood bags that I transfused are huge. They are often more than 400 ml and today, a whooping 506 ml. Aiyee, but wait, I'm not complaining. I actually played with the bag for a while waiting for the bag to cool down slightly since it was cold. To transfuse blood, it cannot be too cold. But you need to wait for it to be slightly at room temperature and arming yourself with the blood warmer. So yeah, let's poke the bag for a while *pokes bag*,
The first thing that people always get blood transfusion wrong. You can just directly shoot the blood into the person who needs it. A typical movie mistake. Before you can even give blood, you need to flush the line with a 100ml Normal Saline first. If you directly give blood without flushing, you will end up clogging the whole line. Like a clogged up drain. Blood is actually really thick. That's why you need to flush the line first so that once you give the blood, it can go in smoothly without blocking the whole thing.
Another typical movie mistake: When you set blood, wheee, it goes straight in, super smooth like syrup. :D Wrong again. You try priming blood yourself and you'll know how it feels. We sometimes end up hopping like mad bunnies because the blood is too slow, or some other stuff occurs like a sudden reaction. And like it or not, the blood has to be completed within 3-4 hours. No more than that. Because the blood product might be infected after 4 hours of exposure, and we do not want to risk patient getting micro-organisms into their bodies. So far, I always managed 4 hours, no more than that, a little bit late, but not to the point of 5 hours. At first you go slow, once okay, say it's about more than half a bag, we speed it up a little. When it reaches very little, we full blast it.
People seem to always say blood transfusion is a good thing. Well, trust me, it's not once you know all the risks behind it. When I was admitted for dengue, my platelet dropped to about 50, my red blood is borderline (it always is), but thank God the doctor didn't say I need transfusion. Even if he does suggest it, I refuse. Let's just say, blood is not always considered clean. I know nowadays lab are up to date with modern hi-tech screening, but there are some tiny things that may be overlooked on. My parents mentioned to me that although the blood may say its screened negative, sometimes unfortunate things happens (But so far, I haven't seen anything bad happening). And too much blood transfusion can cause iron toxicity.
I guess that's about it. Always wear your gloves, get your flushings ready, and get ready for routine close monitoring. 15 minutes for 1 hour, 30 minutes for 1 hour, then hourly til the blood ends. Back to poking the bag *pokes bag*.  :D
A running joke that often seems to involve blood bags. Vampires ripping the blood bags with their teeth, or in some instances, poking a straw through the bag and drinking it like boxed drinks.  

* Read this while listening to this song.
Final Fantasy VI OST - What? : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIRBuIyqIE0

Workshop Day

29th December (Monday) - I woke up at the crack of dawn just to drag myself to the workshop on STOP! Pressure Ulcers. Can I just say... I was half-asleep as I struggled to stay awake for the starting part. Urgh, I'm not a morning type of person, but when it comes to working, I can usually stay awake for the reports, but if it's a speech... Sigh.
It was a good thing I brought my Alex Rider novel with me. Let's be frank, I thought the talk is going to be interesting, but after a good start, in between the whole thing started becoming like a phonograph that can't seem to stop laying really awful songs. Seriously, everyone is repeating the same thing over and over again. Pressure ulcers...Pressure ulcers...Pressure ulcers... Arghhhh, I'm freezing to the point where my fingers are frozen red even though I wore socks and blazer. Ohhh, save me.
The only good thing was I guess, is the free stuff that we get. A pen, a tiny badge of the campaign title, a certificate of attendance and my CPD points. Oh and the knowledge that I obtained. The not so down side, presentation. Argh, good thing back in the ward we got the gamgee, duodernum, aquacell, aqua ag, jelonets etc etc for the various patients. But not so sure whether we still have it or not? I know we still got tons of jelonets and duodernum cause the patient is discharging tomorrow after her dressing, so she's still there, I hope. When Datin discharged, she took all of the jelonets with her, so hopefully before the patient discharged, I can get some of the stuff photos before it's gone for good.
Let's get cracking...

Three Days After Christmas

Christmas illustration that I drew with Sharpies

28th December (Sunday) - Four days had passed, but many things had happened. I met some really great people whom I poured out all the stress and stuff that I've been facing in work. One of the girls who was my senior back in my student days gave me advise. In the area I'm working, seniors are always right, juniors are always wrong, so keep your mouth zipped and sealed. Sadly to say, this means juniors, no matter what they do, right or wrong, they are always, ALWAYS, wrong. Arguing with the senior means they are going to write a long complaint about you. So whatever it is, I have to swallow it down my throat, even if it's venomous poison.
Naturally, seniors rule the place, so no matter what you do. You have to follow everything they do. Of course, there were occasions where they say it's okay, you can do it. But according to the girl, yes, you can do it, but if something goes wrong. Don't expect them to bail you out. They will point their fingers at you. Human nature, naturally.
I also met a few office ladies while attending to some important business, and they told me, political issues isn't like back then, where everything can be reasoned out. What I've been though, with that inches thick of negative feedbacks, just show how vile the issues are now. Sad to say but true. Being the only sore thumb sticking out, I have no say in anything. I guess that's why people work in groups than solo. It's like one ant facing the rest of the world.
And last but not least, knowing what you are going to do in 5 years time. One of the patients told me, "If you can't plan your future in 5 years, then it's like wandering around aimlessly." Really? All I said that in 5 years' time, I planned to aim for a Degree, or Post Basic Speciality, and maybe to get another book published (depending whether the covers will be ready or not). She gave me a nice smile and said, "You are more of the nursing type. You'll make a great nurse." That's really so sweet of her. I thought I was pretty much drowning in a dark pool judging from all the negative comments I get.
A few silver linings among the dark clouds : I got a day off on my the first day of the New Year. Hopefully I'll get to watch Night at the Museum 2, but I missed the first one, but I guess it doesn't matter much. Of course while chatting with my colleagues we talked about some of the most anticipated movies for next year: Avengers 2, Mockingjay Part 2, Fallen... I finally gotten my Fate Stay Night Unlimited Blade Works anime and am now happily watching it. And now when I'm not writing and needed a break, I practice my drawings, which you can browse in Deviant Art.
So yeah, things may go bad from time to time, but as my patients and friends told me, "Don't let others pull you down." So yeah, let's go full speed ahead.

PS: Thanks to my sister for getting me an Elmo cushion. So soft. :D

Christmas Around The Corner

23rd December (Tuesday) - I went to work with a heavy heart. But worse of all were my eyes. They look like empty hollowed out shells. My friend even commented as we were getting to start shift, "You look awful, are you okay? You're still upset about yesterday are you?" Of course I am, no matter how much I try to be flippant about it, I can somehow still feel it hover above me. But no, I'm not going to dwell about it. No, I won't let those people and their comments knock me down. Profs never complained about me, patients never complained about me, so why brood?
Today is rather surprising. Not many patients, maybe it's due to the fact Christmas eve and the merry day is around the corner. But I assisted prof with an outpatient and it wasn't so bad, until the point where the paeds thermometer went haywire. Lucky he wasn't pissed, but he's annoyed. Then I couldn't find our other thermometer (!!!) and had to resort running like crazy to the next ward. Their thermometer is rather patched up with sellotape but I'll take it as long as it is not acting crazy.Miracles of miracles, it worked, although it doesn't beep but whatever, I reported the findings to the prof, and because to get the right dosage, we needed to get the child's weight. Sweet Lord, the weighing machine ran out of batteries. Aiyee, I rushed the kid to the other side and yes! They have two weighing machine, okay I got her weight reading and ran back to the prof. He's still fuming but at least he didn't bite my head off. He just complained to the TL about how we never checked our equipments properly. Whew, thank God I'm off the hook.
Moving on, there's not much besides in between checking my patients. The one I had trouble with is the Somali patient. His room had some strong odour and he doesn't understand much English. What scares me the most are his eyes. I thought he was wearing sunglasses cause he is blind or something, since the report only said he got a nasal pack in his left that has to be taken off. But he understood me enough that I'm the nurse and he removed his glasses.
SWEET HEAVENS. One of his eye is swollen to the size of a tennis ball and is bloodshot. Oh my God, at least I didn't scream but managed to stay expressionless. But I don't think I'll be able to look at anyone in the eye for a while. Good God, the eye was so swollen to the point where the guy had to push his glasses down to the bridge of his nose like those China accountants in the old days. Poor thing.
Then I met another Somali patient, who is a lecturer, but also a doctor. I don't think he's a medical doctor, more like a phD holder, I think, as he proudly told me, "From the University of Nottingham." Ah, I see. He's a very nice guy, telling me how even though he's a doctor, he feels that he is psychologically depressed because even though he says he looks fine on the outside, the inside he's a mess. I assured him it's a normal thing, the time when I was admitted for dengue last year I was also depressed, with Normal Saline drip plugged into my arm 4 pints a day. No matter whether you are a medical staff or non-medical, the moment you enter hospital. psychologically your mind changes. Look at poor prof who was also admitted for dengue 7 years back. He was also feeling sad even though it was dengue. And as I said many times to patients, doctors are not God, but humans as well. They can also fall sick, get cancer or heart attack. Who says they don't? I found my really old, ancient appointment card from the hospital I was born in and I found an unknown doctor's name scribbled in faded blue ink. When I asked my dad, he said that the doctor passed away from cancer.
On and off, I did small dressings, top up drips, and follow the doctors on their rounds, but really, nothing eventful happened except the patient with terminal cancer had finally passed away yesterday evening. On Winter Solstice. How sad. D: RIP.
The only silver lining from all of the black clouds was finally, finally, I get to meet up with my old friend after a long while. She's still as lovely as ever, how long was it since we last met? I think it was in Chinese New Year. We managed to watch a movie and had dinner together and I gave her some loom bracelets that I made during my spare time, I know it's not really a great gift, but I hope she likes it. I still remember the first time I made my first ever loom bracelet, it was disasterous, but after 2 weeks of looming with the bands and hooking each one, I finally managed to produced decent ones, even adding charms on them. I hope to pick up modelling clay soon. Time to start saving money to get Play-Doh plasticines.

The three loom bracelets that I kept for myself, I already given out some. 

Final Fantasy VIII - Fragments of Memories (Winhill Theme) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2BKtxNPq6k

Betrayed

"Being betrayed is much more cruel than Death." - Luna, Chronicles of Blitz

22nd December (Monday) - Today's the Winter Solstice Festival. And it was supposed to be a good day, and oh my God, today is by far, the most horrible, worst day of my life. How do I put it? It's like all of my worst nightmare came true. I always laughed off the fact that people are talking bad behind my back but it turns out to be true.
It all started off innocently enough. Bed-making, no sponging for this round, showers only. Then to report writing. The madam who was supposed to go back to Singapore is still there, poor thing, she's having a lot of headache but she had wanted to take a shower, but with her condition like that, I advised her to call us if she really wants to shower, but in the end, she lay down on her bed, moaning in pain. Since she could not go for shower, I had to connect her drip back. Just by coincidence, the CI was also there, and I only just removed the needle before removing the spigot of the line and she lectured on me for not being sterile. Oh for God's sake, I removed the needle first before the spigot in case blood start spilling out from the line, is it wrong? The she asked me to aspirate, which I did so, no blood, so I pushed in just 0.1 ml of hep saline before the lady screamed in pain. Oh no no no no, please don't tell me the line is blocked. The CI gave me another long lecture before telling me, "Go and inform the TL about the line being blocked." Urgh. She, in turn, then told me to ask the Daycare Unit girls to insert line. Well, I don't know the number, so I just hurried over to the daycare and asked the girls whether they can insert a line. They asked me which patient, and I mentioned so-and-so's name. Then they all went, "Oh noooo. We can't insert for him. He charges the patient a lot, so he prefers to do it himself. Sorry." So I went back to the TL and silently reported the answer and she said, "Oh, really? Oh well. Then wait for him, then." So I prepared my tray nicely and set it among his patient folders so that he can set another line.
Uncle came back, you know, our 3 month long uncle. Yes, he's so much thinner now and he came to remove the tube. Aha, uncle's busy trying to have fun with the nurses again. Funny uncle. His daughter came with him this time instead of his wife, who is at home. He is able to stand, if slightly wobbly, but he's able to move his legs. Great, uncle. ^^
I didn't get to observe the PEG tube removal, because the madam asked me to flush her line again. I blinked at her and asked, "Are you sure? You sure you won't feel pain anymore?" And she said probably just a false alarm, so I just said alright and flushed her line. YES!!! No pain! Hooray. We are both so happy cause she don't have to suffer getting another line inserted. I asked her casually, "How can you stand prof poking at your veins every time?" And she answered, "I keep bearing the pain, you know, nurse. And I think prof loves to insert line, cause he always seems so happy poking me everywhere." Awww, poor madam. Thank God the line was saved, otherwise she'll have to suffer again. Now I can connect her drip back.
Before heading for lunch, the CI wanted to see me, and with that feeling of dread clouding over my head, I went in for my 3 month evaluation. I saw my folder on the table and saw it inches thick. Huh? I don't remember inserting a lot of my documents, just the important ones, and how come I saw a vital sign chart on top? I don't remember taking vital signs in my clinic sessions. Turns out the several inches thick paper is not my document, but the feedbacks and quotes from my past four months. What shocked me to the core was all of the feedbacks, were negative feedbacks from senior staff nurses and the Sisters. I swear, I knew I was going to get feedbacks, but I didn't expect so many. It was layered upon layered with tons of stuff. The CI quoted some to me.

"She's so irresponsible..." "Always going back at 2 o' clock...." "So calculative with everything she does..." "She's useless, can't even work properly..." "Always running away when her work is half-done..." "She doesn't know how to ask for things..." "So dishonest..." "She never seemed to respect her job..."

What the heck- I was sitting there numbly as she read some of the feedbacks to me. I had never go back at 2 o' clock sharp, I always go back at 2.30 or past that, because my poor mother is always there by two, although now I asked her to come at 2.30 to avoid being chased by the guard. And I always finished my work, ALWAYS, I never leave it hanging. But what's the point of saying all of these when I'm being bombarded by all the lines in black and white. I just felt as though I got my spine knifed and tore out form my back, grounded to pieces, with another knife plunged deep into my heart and twisted. It was that bad. I really had no idea that the feedbacks were all so negative. I actually burst into tears, even though I was biting my lips so hard and clawing at my hands til the skin were peeling and pink, to the point I was being half-breathless due to my nose being blocked again. If that's the case, I think I should be robotic. A means A, B means B, no questions asked. She even took lines from me which were a joke. "I didn't want to go back to FOC because all the Chinese patients kept chasing me. " It was just a JOKE, yet she took it down as a complaint. For God's sake, then I shouldn't joke either, otherwise my words will be used against me. And the microwave incident. I already said I was SORRY, I admitted it was my fault, why are they holding it against me? It was an accident, and Datin also apologized.
After the feedback, I thought back to myself. The professors never complained about me, maybe one or two who are the fussy type and perfectionist type do, but that's a different story, same goes for my patients, unless they are the fussy type as well. I kinda get it what my friend meant when she said, "The most important thing is the doctors and patients love you, your colleagues sometimes tends to back stab you when you least expect it."
God, I feel like seeing a psychiatrist now. And my fingers hurts from all the clawing. Had my nails been sharp and long, I might've drawn blood. And I had some pretty good idea who wrote those negative feedbacks, but I'm not going to say anything. The damage has already been done, and there's nothing I can do but to wipe away my tears and keep going onwards.

  

Appreciating Ladies

20th December (Saturday) - Same people pulled over to the next shift. As I know the moment I stepped into the ward for work, I get yelled by the same people. No, it's not about my bed-making, but just because while I was doing my report, the girls were asking what to order for lunch and I asked them whether they could get me Indian flat breads, and they snapped at me, "Quit daydreaming and get on with your report. Always dawdling in your work..." Ouch, now that really hurts. I just paused for a minute and get yelled for daydreaming. Fantastic. Silently I went back to writing my report.
To avoid getting yelled by the same people for, how do they put it, daydreaming, dawdling, slowpoke, fool, simpleton, I went to check on my patients. First patient I had was a cute child who was about to be discharged. Super cute little boy. He kept hugging his little bolster and kept dropping it as I was doing his bed. Oh well, just pick it back up for him and left just as his father was giving him milk. When prof called and met with the family for a last discussion, I went to remove the needle. Such a brave boy, he never cried or screamed but looked at me with large curious Bambi eyes. When I removed he just went, "Ohhh, blood. Mommy, blood." After instructing the mother to tilt the hand back and placing thick layers of gauze on top, the bleeding stopped. He insisted on keeping his id band. Ha-ha. So funny. I guess he wanted to keep it as a souvenir. :D
Second patient is the lovely uncle with the same surname as me. The reports that the girls passed over often said that he's a very stubborn old man, but after chatting with him about his meal and taking off his CBD, he turns out to be a very nice man, even if he's loud. He told me how he appreciate ladies, especially his wife, who he points out, "I want to get better soon, so that when I go back, my wife don't have to suffer. She's so small size like you, she can never carry me up and down." Bless him, who would've thought. He said his heart goes out to us young ladies, especially the pregnant ones, when they go through child delivery. I feel the same too, especially last time when I witnessed a few normal delivery and caesarean. Especially caesarean, where I remember this one lady who's crying in pain several time because the epidural needle couldn't get through her spine. The poor lady was crying and screaming in agony, but what can we do? She was having fetal distress at that time. It took the anaesthetist four to five attempts to finally get the needle in. Seriously, he's really devoted to his wife, even when I pulled out his CBD, he bear the agony of the tube being removed because, as he calmly puts it, "Compared to what you ladies are going through, this is nothing."
My third patient is the same patient as well too. A lovely Siamese girl with multiple fractures, but she's looking good compared to the previous week I saw her. She's finally able to ambulate around with assistance, although it's a little hard to talk to her cause sometimes she has difficulty understanding some words, but simple English, she can understand. Ah well, at least she's not making trouble for me.
All of my patients are fractured cases. On and off I do visit the other patients, whom I developed an okay relationship where they enjoyed chatting with me. Even where the prof whose patients I'm assigned to with his many dressings, we did a technique which I dubbed tag-and-go, meaning he has four patients who are all fractured cases, whose dressing he cleans personally while we assist. Since he had three out of four dressings, one nurse will stand by at the counter while another follows him to assist in the dressing. Then the one who finishes the dressing runs to the counter with the changes while the standby nurse takes over the assisting. Once the second nurse is done, she runs to the counter with the changes while the next nurse takes over. Neat, right?
Near the end of my shift, knowing that they'll probably bully me into doing odd jobs, I took the opportunity to remove an outpatient's chemoport needle since daycare had just been closed. I was called a fool and simpleton (here, here), all because I asked the senior girls whether the odd Baxter bottle needs to be kept or thrown. It's not as though I don't know how to take off the chemoport needle. Sigh, they are the type who already had kids, but the way they treat me is like I'm a total airhead or an imbecile. How do they want me to be of use to the prof if they keep treating me like that? There's a limit to how much nonsense I can take.

Blackheart

19th December (Friday) - Sick, sick, sick I tell you. I stepped into work to get yelled at for yesterday's incident. It was past 9 when the OT called, and I got a call, asking me to pick my patient back up. Past 9 means that, in a way, it's the end for noon shift so we will pass over to the night shift girls to handle things from there on, but what happened? I was yelled for mainly costing the patient money for OT charges. Not cause of the safety or something. What on God's earth- Oh, and they yelled at me  some more that as long as the report is being passed on, you are still on duty, which means GET THE PATIENT UP HERE OR ELSE!!!! My dad who works in the hospital told me that in most places, when the shift already ends and reports are being passed on, the nurses usually pass the next shift the patients so that they don't have to stay back for hours to finish handling the patients. Because as everyone know, we are a 24 hour service job. If they insist like that, won't the current shift people have to do more work and the next shift get to relax with no job to do besides the usual? And then in the end no one will be able to go back back because of the "Hey, you, can you do this...? That...?" "Fill all of these up..." "Finish the whole procedure first..." Which is how I used to feel as a student. I always complete my work first before leaving, this is call responsibility, for goodness sake. I never leave my work hanging, well, most of the time, unless the situation becomes so busy and I became side tracked, but nevertheless, I will get it done.
And things started going downhill. The lovely lady who had helped me (insisted on helping) to fix the id bands for future admissions went down for her breakfast, and came back with large carrier bags of doughnuts. Chocolate coated, topped with chocolate or rainbow sprinkles, a dash of icing cream, with sprinkled nuts on another. Since it was only wrapped in plastic and not in packaging, I grabbed my patient's folders, doughnut in one hand, careful not to spill any chocolate coatings on the documents, I wrote at full speed while munching on the doughnut. Of course, the senior girls started yelling at me cause they thought I was taking break. Well, what about them? Eating on their doughnuts and yet no one complained. And anyway, the doughnut can't be kept cause it's in plastic, not in a container or zipper bag. Would you want to eat air-infected doughnuts???
Then I got a young patient diagnosed with terminal cancer who is on pigtail drainage.had his dressing soaked with pleural fluids and blood, but does anyone want to do his dressing? No, I have to be the one who armed myself with the dressing set and thoroughly soaked cotton balls to get all the dried blood, fluid and iodine out. And with the patient in agony, the slightest movement makes him gasp in pain to the point where he had regular morphine. Poor guy. I did my best to help him though, give him some comfort at least. It did not help with his family all chanting the Amithaba mantra non-stop when I entered his room to top up his drips.
Then my other patient, a cute baby girl who's such a doll. ^.^ On and off I checked up on her to make sure she's okay. On the last feeding before fasting, I assisted the mother on the last feeding, make sure the baby is okay. Once done, I set up the drip and start the fasting. Okay. At least something is going my way.
This is getting depressing. Who would've thought when people get nasty? Some people actually have blackened heart. They take up the knife and run it through your spine to save their own skins, and just when you thought you could share some of your secrets with them, they turn the secrets against you. I don't think death can be much cruel compared to having your spine rip out of your back by the people who are close to you. D:

Endurance Point

17th December (Wednesday) - Oh sweet Lord, I came back from my day off to find mayhem in the ward. Everyone is yelling at each other, professors are shouting and demanding, patients awaiting admissions are screaming for rooms.... And yes, it's a full house.
Taking report is impossible. In between our report, someone is often disturbing us, either a phone call, profs barging in, staff nurses yelling for updates and such. I missed out on half of the diagnosis because all of the patients are new, with only 3 to 4 of our regular patients left. Luckily, they are straightforward cases, because even the care seems half-filled in, and the girl was passing at lightning speed, not even bothered that we are struggling to catch up with her. Half dazed, what can we do but shuffle over ready to take over?
Of course everything is hectic. What is even more crazy than having a full house, with patients from admission keep marching up to our counter and demanding us that they want rooms. Sigh, don't they understand the meaning of the word FULL HOUSE? They keep telling us, "But I came here early..." "I already booked a room in advance, so how can it still be occupied?" "The front counter said there's a discharge, so why is the patient still there???" They honestly must've never read their green sheet. "Room availability is subjected to the number of vacancy. It does not necessarily means that it's a first come first serve basis" in bold capitals. As mentioned before many times, we can't chase patients out of the room. They have the right to remain in their room until the bill is fully settled.
Then there's the mad rush all over for all sorts of procedures. And doctors are making some big issues. An Emergency Medicine doctor who kept wanting  to use the ultrasound machine to scan his patient's knee????? Erm, HELLO???
Then there's a huge issue of stolen cash. A patient who had came in from ER last night had his money stolen. The dilemma : Nobody bothered to check his wallet until our shift, about 3 pm, when he checked his wallet and announced that his money had been stolen. Wonderful, the whole family were in an uproar, but at least they didn't hurl verbal abuse and physical violence at us, but they behaved in a civilized manner, which make us willing to help them more, by getting the security guard to help them. I hope the issue is resolved soon.
With the amount of cancer and kids case coming in like tsunami, all our stress are hitting the roof. And it did not help with all of the Chinese patients chasing me for their demands. For God's sake, I got 5 reports to write, follow the doctor's rounds, attend call bells from the same patient over and over again cause no one bothered to. Go and find the other nurses, please, let me do my work in peace before I explode. God knows since I got many half-finished reports that I rushed at 8 pm, with me taking my dinner at 8.30. Crazy. D:

Sensitivity

16th December (Tuesday) - Nope, I'm not working today. I got a day off, and a follow up to the ENT prof, oh sorry, he's a doctor, as he corrected me today. Just can't help it, the place where I'm working at is full of professors. Doctors are like only 15%, compared to the rest who are professors, although he's quick to point out to me he's one of the lecturers for ENT. That's nice. Okay, so I came for my follow up as scheduled and he checked my nose and-
All clear.
Yay.
He then said I don't have to continue any of the nose medicines, the menthol and nose spray, only when needed. YAY. Praise the Lord. Only when necessary. Then I asked him whether it is a viral infection and he said, "Nope, it's nothing to do with virus. It's mainly about your body. You just can't take the cold." Oh great. Maybe I should opt for a career change. Doctor. But he only grinned at me and said, "Nurse is always a nurse, doctor is always a doctor." D-Darn, but I can't work in sub-zero temperatures, nor an extremely stressful environment (Moderate is okay, but not the kind where everything is hectic and rushed). He told me I might have to wear a mask everytime I work. B-But I don't want to wear a MASK 24/7. It's crazy, patients will think I have the flu even if I say it's cause my nose is sensitive. That's the perception of people nowadays.
I asked him what if my nose blockage came back again and he said there are several ways to open up the blockage.

1. Some sort of really strong Chinese herbal called Khao Sam, something (I asked him what it was, he say it's something strong that can open up the blockage. It's very sharp and has a strong odour which my dad mentioned once)
2. An ointment that I can't really spell out, it's pronounced as 'beech'. (Something that adults uses when young children often complain of nose block. It gives out a strong sharp stinging smell. It's equivalent to tiger balm)
3. Menthol crystals (This is definitely in. I asked him whether they are sold outside and he say pharmacies often carry the types that evaporates fast, whereas hospitals carries those that comes in crystal forms. This one smells like peppermint, and when put too much, it can sting and dry up your nose.)
4. Tea or coffee :D (YES, no joke. He said it himself. Brew the tea or coffee with hot water into a thermos flask, then when the steam rises, inhale as much as you can. The best option since I love tea.)

I asked him about my sister cause she's in the same state as me, only much worse. He say she can use the same method as me and I told him I tried sharing some of my menthol to her but she refused. And he answered that's her problem and I answered, "They always say nurses and doctors in the family should take care of their families, but they seem to refuse our help." And he laughed and said, "What can you do? They refuse our help, you can't force them to accept." Like that old saying goes, "You can bring the horse to the pond, but you can't force it to drink the water."

Hammerblow

15th December (Monday) - How troublesome. I got all of my documents ready to claim, with photocopies and original in tow. The Sister in my ward is on a long leave, which leaves only the really mean boss. I say mean, but she's worse than that. Even the worst person I had ever faced is nicer than her. Just to give you the surface, she's arrogant and cares no one but herself. She treats you nice when you first came in, but once you start working under her, her whole personality changes. The nice lady whom greeted you warmly by the hand with her sweet, jokey yet firm tone is gone, replaced by an evil twin. If you are a Dr/ Prof/ Matron/ VIP/ VVIP/ HRH then she'll laugh and joke with you. If you are just a staff nurse/ newbie/ freshee, she treats you like dirt. Sorry to say, but it's true.
I went to find her with dread, my throat dry, my heart beating hard, like how a prey gets cornered by the predator. I then approached her in a room and told her, politely and softly about my claim for the gastroscopy since I paid in cash (And it was no small amount, even if you are staff.) First she took a look at my MC, then gave me a bullocking, saying it is un-authorized, not legal, all the negative stuff. "Who say you can take MC? You're working for four months now and you think doing a gastro or colon scope patient can just run back home?" Excuse me, Sister, but I had wanted to come to work, even the prof asked me to come in the morning so that I can go to work for my noon shift. What no one expected was the sedation was so strong, my body couldn't cope and I ended up half-slumping to the point where the girl had to assist me. Even prof was like, "No. You must take MC. Otherwise you might faint in the ward." I know if any doctor/ anaest/ prof gave you a sedation and deemed you aren't to fit for work, you must take a MC. If he/she are the type that doesn't care, they might just wave an airy hand. "Oh, sure, go on, you can go for work." Then, say if you are unlucky, you suddenly drop while working, inquiries will be made, reports had to be made, the WHATs, WHOs, WHYs, WHENs, WHEREs, HOWs will be spilling all over. "Why is this staff working when she was given sedation?" "Who is the one who allowed her to come to work?" "What was the procedure this staff went?" "When did she did the procedure?" "How is she allowed to come to work?" Exactly. And buying MC is illegal, and only a LICENSED MEDICAL PRACTITIONER is allowed to sign the MC for you. He wanted to give me two days, but I insisted on one. The way she says it, it's as though I forced the prof to give me the MC.
Then to my claim form with the petty cash voucher. She took a look at my bill and demanded the original. I brought it in my bag and she said, "Come back at 2.30 pm." even though I could just run up the stairs, grab the bill, and run back down. She told me haughtily, "I worked here for 14 years and I know how long does it take for you to run up, grab your things, and back down. 5 minutes. You think I'm going to wait for you for 5 minutes? I got things to do within 5 minutes." Urgh, seriously, that's what she said. I know this type of people, these are the type that always think they are right, and everything should be done their way, no alternative methods allowed. Because like a fool, I took less than 5 minutes since I ran like crazy, grab the original copy of my bill and wanted to hand it to her, she yelled at me and demanded me to get out as she was Whatsapp-ing. You would think she could at least have the courtesy to just take it and lay it aside on the desk. Nope, she chased me out and demanded 2.30 means 2.30. (And she say we're only allowed to see the Sisters in their ROOMs, NOT THE CORRIDORS, NOT THE PANTRY within our shift, AND NOT AFTER 2.30.)
Dear God, if that wasn't bad enough, I got yelled by the senior staff nurse for spending 2 hours plus in Datin's room for her dressing...again, to the point where the CI stepped in and pulled me aside for a little chat. No, she isn't mad at me for helping Datin, but 2 hours plus is too much. I agreed too, because it's not fair to my colleagues (whom had all ganged up to complain that I always spent too long in Datin's room, unable to do vital signs checkings, admissions and doctor's rounds), not fair to my patients (whom I cannot care for because I was too busy doing her dressing). The CI said, yeah , it's not easy because she's our regular patient and she wants things to be neat and perfect, not 5 swabs and done. She wants all the dead skin, slough and oozing all clean off. The CI also said that she tried telling Datin that can't make the assigned nurse to do her dressing all the time, but she just wouldn't listen. She told me to see whether I can talk to her or not. I could try, but it won't be easy, because she's feeling sad over her condition, I don't mind teaching the maid how to do the dressing because she had wanted to go home. Unless she wants a private nurse to care for her.
But not all were bad. I met a really nice Muslim lady who looks Indian, maybe she's a mix? Very pretty lady she was. She and her sister gave me encouragement when they saw my sad face, after I helped the patient herself to the bed and put on her cryo-cuffs. She gave me some encouraging words. "Whenever you're feeling down, nurse, think of the Mother of Nursing, Florence Nightingale." Who doesn't know the story of Florence Nightingale? She's a true angel from heaven, tending to injured soldiers in war zones, where everything was chaotic and all sorts of bloody injuries can be seen. The lady also told me a little about herself, how she had wanted to be a nurse when she's a child, getting herself involved with the Red Cross, St John's, and volunteering in charity jobs. When she grew up, somehow she fallen in love with her clerk job. Nevertheless, she confessed to me that when she came to the hospital for her check up and saw how the nurses work, she said it's like angels coming down to Earth to care for those in need. Thank you for those lovely words, madam.
If only the whole world is nice, we wouldn't have to go for each other's throats. :(

New Hair

14th December (Sunday) - I rushed in with a minute to spare, and everyone took a look at me and said, "Your hair, you cut it." Eh, I touched my fringe, and yeah, I finally had the time to cut it short. It's getting into my eyes and I hate clipping my hair, so just hack it off short. Then everybody asked me how my scope went and according to prof, my gastric mainly occurs because I'm stressed out. (!!!) So my colleagues joked that I cannot be stressed anymore otherwise my gastric will trigger. In a way, yes. (No easy feat)
The same thing goes for my patients. It was in the early morning that we do our bed-making and most of them were the old patients whom I attended to on Friday. They all took a look at me and went, "You cut your hair." What's wrong with my hair??? But now that I think about it, ever since I joined nursing life, everyone forbid me to have short fringe so I had left it out long, but I remember seeing some girls with short fringes. Don't know why I'm always the one getting attacked by the authority, yet others can get away with it.
Even Datin, my regular patient, commented on my hair. "You didn't clip your hair today..." Well, since I cut it short, I felt there's no need to. Now I'm standing out even more than ever. Sigh... I did her dressing as always since she wants me to do it, and since I'm assigned to her, I can't say much. Preparing everything ready and squaring my shoulders, I took 2 hours doing the soaking and dressing as always. I could tell no one is happy about it, because 2 hours for her dressing is insane, with three times a day, it's enough to make anyone go crazy. (Oh prof, why do you have to order three times a day???)
I met an old patient of mine after a long four months. He's an Indonesian who is fluent in Mandarin cause he went to the University of Taiwan and married a Taiwanese lady. He used to stay in the front room and did a TURP. Well, now he came in cause of his knee. Aww, poor him, but he's able to walk around with his walking frame and able to do his own self-hygiene. What surprises me was they saw me that day at the clinic. "You looked rather sick that day, Nurse. Are you okay?" Gosh, I never even noticed my patients were there, because I didn't see him and his wife at the second floor, or maybe I didn't notice. But he was kind enough to query about my health. Nice guy he is.
Today is rather empty with only 9 patients, but even so, I'm occupied with Datin's dressing which means no time for writing. And to top things off, the really mean lady is back again. With her daughter in tow. I definitely remember her, she's the lady who treats me like a maid, and her daughter, the one who has her own clinic in Australia and who claims she's an expert in the hospital. One word: Arrogance. Her old doctor refused to even take her in and passed her to another doctor. To avoid her treating me like a maid, I pretended to be a banana and treat her as a professional instead of trying to build up a friendly relation with her, as I do with my other patients. She's just too impossible.  

Gastroscopy and MC

13th December (Saturday) - I'm supposed to be on noon duty, and I really want to go to work, to see my patients, my colleagues, the nice profs... Anything is better than staying at home. Although I had a jolly good time reading my Harry Potter books, if the sedation doesn't make me woozy and lie back on my pillow.
Today I purposely took the morning to do a gastroscopy since I was having some slight pain at my upper tummy. Its my first time doing a scope and I pray to heaven that all goes well. I don't want any other diagnosis coming out since it's already bad enough that I had to take medications for my gastric, my nose, and supplements. *gasp* I don't want any more medications. TwT
I thought the prof is going to give me something that'll keep me awake, like how I did my eye surgery last time. But for this round, he gave me a full sedation that made me sleep. He tried looking for my vein and went, "Your vein is really small." Yep, it's true. Everyone had a hard time looking for my vein because they say it's tiny to the point where they need to keep hitting my vein, or tightening my arm as hard as they could to get the vein. I thought prof was going to poke me a branulla but instead, the last thing I felt and heard was as darkness pull me down was, "I'm going to give you the sedation now. Sleep." And there was a prick like an ant bite and everything turned black.
Next thing I knew the lady was patting me on the shoulder, telling me I had slept for an hour straight. Say WHAT???? I was still half awake and muttered, "The scope is done already?" And she was like, "Long time ago." I asked her the time and she said it's already 10, golly gee. I DID slept for an hour. And my mind seems not to be working clearly. The lady had to support me as I get down from the bed, and she commented that my flats were nice. Ehehe, I gotten it a long time ago at Puchong, 70 percent discount. She sighed and said she missed her chance. But I assured her that there'll be a next time (If the flats are still there.)
Because I was K.O.ed for the whole duration of the scope, I asked my dad the result and he said that my stomach was okay, nothing wrong with it, although prof took some of my gastric juice for investigation to rule out something. He didn't mention it to me, but he said that my gastric attacks occurs if I'm too nervous, panicky or being on an empty stomach. What??? Is that why my gastric attacks comes often these days? How weird. He gave me some Korean drug that can strengthen my stomach's mucosa lining. Since I'm still on the gastric medication, which is totally different, I still have to continue taking it.
I had wanted to go to work, really I do, but the girl and prof were like, "NO! You can't. You're not going to work with that condition of yours. You might faint during work." What could I do but call the Sister through the phone to inform her I was given a one day MC for resting purpose. Sigh. Bad luck. My body just have to doze off on me.

Bleed It Out

I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away
I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away
I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away
Just to throw it away
Just to throw it away
I bleed it out

 Linkin Park - Bleed It Out, 17th August 2007, Warner Bros.,
Written by Linkin Park,
Produced by Rick Rubin, Mike Shinoda,
Performed by Linkin Park. 

11th December (Thursday) - Noon straight to morning, and I couldn't sleep. Maybe prof is right,  I do need to see the psychiatrist. I still can't believe: how did I get myself into all sort of mess? My nose is horribly worse than my gastric problem, sure it may be painful if I don't take my food properly but the smelling on and off part is worse. The menthol crystals burns. Now I understand why everyone keep telling me to wrap my eyes with a towel because when the crystals emit the vapour, it gives off a sort of stinging burning sensation to open up your nasal muscle. If it gets the eye, it'll sting and feel as though a layer of ice had shut your eyes. Oh prof, why you have to give me Menthol crystals???
As always in the wee morning, bed making first. I get to sponge this young teenager whose lips were covered with bloody sutures and whose arms and part of his legs are grazed with lacerations, with his hip and knee in bandage and gauze. Judging from how his body looks, I say it's an accident. When I questioned him casually, he mentioned he was with his friend on a bike and his friend happened to be driving the bike fast and well, you know the rest.
If you think that's worse, try the next patient. She's a very pretty young woman, also involved in an accident together with her boyfriend, who's in another room. Most of her right side is fractured, pelvic, part of her ear, part of her face, some of her arms and legs. The boyfriend had a right fractured leg. The story was the boy was pretty much, to put it in a polite way, out cold from drinking too much. Again, you know the rest. Nowadays young people driving are so scary. No wonder why my old driving instructor say once everyone gets their P license, everything they taught goes down the drain. *miming flushing*
I got a patient going back home so I needed to remove his chemoport needle. Can't remember how to take it off so I asked the CI. Flush first, then remove it. Give it a swab then cover with post op site. Oh, so that's how you do it. Then because yesterday NG insertion failed, I prepared another tray for another professor who came to insert for the boy. Even after giving him Midazolam, he can still scream, cry, hit, punch, kick us to the point where four of us had to hold him down while the prof insert, which is a success. Thank God, although he kept screaming and screaming. Poor thing.
Datin had a family conference which I also attended to, and her legs still got those slough and we need to apply a certain cream to get the slough out. God knows last time I tried doing a lot of circular motions and the slough still stays instead of breaking, And now her dressing had changed as well. The Sister taught me herself from the prof because Datin only requests a handful of people to do her dressing. Now instead of soaking with rock salts in a basin, now we prepare a quarter of the basin, filled with warm water, mixed it with two ml of potassium pomengenate, soak it with tons of gamgee wools, put it around her legs, secured it with a thin cotton bandage and with a fifty ml syringe, syringe out the water and squirt it around the gamgee like a water gun. Hoo boy for twenty minutes. This is ridiculous. You have to get two people to do this job because if one person do, you'll end up being stressed out for doing one leg at a time. Insane. And once my colleague and I had finished the whole dressing process for a grand whooping total of two hours, I rushed over to check the prof's orders.

OH MOTHER OF MARY.

Left leg twice a day. Right leg three times a day. Left leg to use gauze, gamgee and bandage. Right leg to use jelonet roll, gamgee and bandage.

GOD!!!!

She got to be joking, she seriously got to be joking. How can we  afford to do three times day? It means that noon shift have to do twice. INSANE. Even the CI is shaking her head. It's too much, because this means we can't even attend our other patients because we have to follow Datin's timing. Not ours. Can you imagine, if we want to do at 3 then she says no, 6. Then the third one we want to do at 4, she says no, 10 (These are all just examples, not for real). Good grief. The CI said she's going to have to tell the Sister that she got to get a private nurse because we can't afford to do the dressing anymore. It's enough to make all of our heart bleed. Sigh, Datin, please get well soon, and please be co-operative with us. It's not that we don't want to help you, but we got 5 to 6 patients to care for.

Breaking Mentality

10th December (Wednesday) - I swear, whether it be medical staff or Layman, I still get nervous about meeting with doctors. Well, who wouldn't? Couldn't sleep a wink last night. After making sure that I haven't left all of my important stuff behind, I went to the clinic for my check up.
Trouble ensues when I arrived for registration, the people are insisting on me to get to the MO first. She's the nice girl that I met the other day and she's confused because:

1. I was already screened for check up.
2. My appointments are fixed and in queue.
3. My conditions were already fixed, so there's no need to see her.


Whaaat? I was held up at the registration counter for a wild goose chase. Oh, how my blood boils, but whatever, I'll let it pass as long as the two profs aren't going to chew my head off. Okay, it started off like normal. The boy whom joined the same time as I did... well, I met him and he's now the ENT prof's nurse. The prof, who was bent over my folder, took a look at me and gave me a friendly smile, "Well, well, well, and I was thinking who's my last patient. Nice to see you after a long time, yes?" Ahhh, he still remembered me even though we met briefly in the elevators, when I just came and am still wearing blue shirt. I was going off duty that day after my clerk job when he came rushing in with me and started talking to me. Okay, he even told the story of how we first met to his nurse, who's laughing. Well, if you think about it, it's rather funny, how he kept trying to know me in the lift. The whole clinical session went like this :

(The conversation is slightly edited and is a little exaggerated for comedy effect. Don't take it to heart. All names are highly confidential.)

Prof : So, long time no see.
Me : Yeah, it's been a while.
Prof : What brings you here today?
Me : Um, I've been having problems with my nose. I can't seem to smell well these past few weeks, since I joined. And I can't seem to smell the soap I'm using.
Prof : Okay, just sit here.

*after a few minutes*

Prof : Okay, this is rather odd.
Me : What's odd? Is my nose blocked or something?
Prof : No, but well, the anatomy is weird.
Me : Whaaaat?
Prof : I'll show you.

*another few minutes later*

Prof : See what I mean? Your nose muscles are smooth, but it looks inflammed. And there's some blood inside. Did any blood came out when you blow your nose?
Me : Nope. All clear.
Prof : Have you been done any surgery before?
Me : Only my eyes.
Prof : Has the doctor ever cut...well, your nose muscles by accident?
Me : O.O Whaaaat? No!
Prof : Have you ever been infected with a viral infection before?
Me : Um, dengue I guess. A year ago.
Prof : Not recently, is it?
Me : Nope.
Prof : Well, dengue sometimes do affect the nose muscles. Another would be stress. Have you checked your thyroid?
Me : Nope. What's wrong with my thyroid?
Prof : Sometimes your thyroid goes haywire and you may end up getting inflammation.
Me : Oh my God, oh my GOD....
Prof : Nothing to worry about. I'll just give you some medicines and you can take the steam inhaler while you're at it.
Me : Oh my God, you mean the one where you put in hot water and breathe the vapour in?
Prof : That's the one. I'll give you the menthol crystals.
Me : (Dear God, what have I gotten myself into???)
Prof : Tell me something, why do you always look stressed?
Me : Um, because I am used to it.
Prof : People usually get stressed for two reasons. Either it's because of relationship issues or family problems. Did I get it right?
Me : (Mother of God, he's GOOD. He just struck big in the lottery, most people always say that I'm cold and doom and gloom type, but he's on the few who can see past my face.) I say you just struck the lottery, prof.
Prof : I knew it. Why? Your parents giving you so much pressure?
Me : My family to be exact. Everything I do, they are never happy. Most of my friends are telling me to run away to overseas or out of home.
Prof : I got two options for you. Singapore or marriage.
Me : ......Prof, I don't have a boyfriend.
Prof : Well, just make sure you get the right guy, so don't worry about Singapore. Marriage is good enough.
Me : Um, okay, if you say so.
Prof : You better go for Dr A and Dr B if you can.
Me : Dr A??? B sounds familiar. *gasp* The psychiatrists???
Prof : Not to say that you are crazy, but just for counselling. You always look so stressed. Didn't anybody told you that?
Me : Some of my colleagues, the patients and profs.
Prof : Precisely what I mean. You should be like me.
Me : (Huh?)
Prof : Don't talk about facts all the time. You should just hang around, do your job while making jokes and chat with your colleagues and friends. Time will go by in a breeze and you'll fell so much relaxed instead of burning out.
Me : Yeah, you do have a point, prof.
Prof : *glances at my skin* Oh my, look at your skin. They're so red. Are you feeling cold?
Me : Everyone says whenever I feel cold, my skin tuns red.
Prof : You have vaso-constriction.
Me : What? I thought it was just my body reaction to the cold.
Prof : No. It's vaso-constriction. I can assure you. Your blood vessels constrict when you're cold and that's why your skin becomes red. You can't work in cold places like the OT.
Me : (OH MY GOD, COULD IT BE TRUE??? There goes my career, no more air-conds, no more freezing cold workplaces for me anymore)
Prof : You better go, Prof. C is waiting for you, isn't he?
Me : (Mind in a half state of shock) Ye-yes, you're right.
Prof : Which ward are you working in again?
Me : Ward D.
Prof : Okay, I'll see you in the ward in a weeks' time. I don't want you running all the way to the clinic. Pity you. I'll come and find you. Get the clerk to call me and let me know.
Me : Um, okay. You sure you don't want me to come over to the clinic?
Prof : No need. I prefer to see you in the ward, easier that way.

*The original conversation is actually much longer, but if I give the full conversation, word by word, it'll never end.*


I can't believe this. That prof is GOOD, seriously. Just by going for what looks like a basic check up, I got all sorts of problem in me already. My whole world seems to be crashing down. Even with the Gatro prof, he examined my stomach and I nearly screamed, it HURTS. That's when I was suggested to do a scope for my stomach to rule out the diagnosis.
I came to the ward early and stared at my medicines with dread. Menthol crystals, nasal spray, and two types of medicines, all of it I have to take twice a day. I feel like screaming but there's nothing I can do against the tide that's pushing me off path but to just flow with it.
Even during work, I was still in a state of shock, but even so,  I followed some doctors in their rounds and get yelled. One doctor shouted at me cause of the claimant insurance form, which the Sister has to explain to both of us since I'm not familiar with insurances yet. And then I prepared a trolley for abdominal tapping and assisted the prof together with a senior girl. He makes me run for odd stuff, like size 0 sutures and surgical scalpel blades because we only got stitch cutters. God, I ran like crazy and got the items he wanted and heaved a sigh of relief as he did not shout but just waited patiently for me to come back with the proper items.
If you think that's bad, just wait til you hear this. The parents of a child whom had stayed for five days in a row were shouting at me and my senior since we were both at the counter because of the ridiculous parking fee rate and kept demanding to know who is the person in charge of the building. Sorry, how would we know who's in charge of the parking? We could only advised him to just please fill the customer feedback form and grumbling.
I prepared a trolley for NG insertion but the prof was in a bad mood to the point he snapped at me as I prepared the things for him. Well, couldn't blame him. The child he's taking care of is traumatized by nurses and doctors. From the time we took our report, he screamed and screamed 'bloody murder' as though we are torturing him until everyone, including the next ward could hear him clearly. And when I tried to take his vital signs, he screamed and kicked and punched me and ran away. Urgh, looks like I don't have a choice but to comply to the father's wishes to just let it go.
After taking a patient from OT back to the ward, my shift comes to an end. How much more of this can I take? I have no idea.

Songsoothe

9th December (Tuesday) - Crikey, I'm so knocked out to the point when I came back home, the first thing I did was sleep on my beloved pillow. Goodness. Well, if you had been doing Datin's dressing for more than an hour continuously... Not easy on first attempts, but practice makes perfect. But today is wow. These few days I haven't been assigned to Datin, so usually I won't do the dressing. But today one girl who was assigned to her tried to do her dressing, one look at her and she said, "No, I don't want you to do my dressing. You either get me the Chinese girl or the Kelantanese girl." The girl did came to find me and relayed what the Datin had told her. well, I can't exactly say no, can't I? Although the Kelantanese girl offered to do the dressing for me, depending who's free. So I went over to take a peek and found her just ready to soak her legs. Oh well. Better quickly eat my brunch before she call.
Just nice, with only a quarter of my porridge left, she got the attendant girl to call me. Once famished, I went into her room once preparing everything ready in the dressing trolley. It's good thing I already did her dressing many times so more or less, I don't have to refer to the list of equipments needed. Her wound is looking so much better now, last time it was all just necrotic skin and slough, now it's all raw and dead skin peeling, but Prof actually wanted the dead skin to peel to reveal the raw mass underneath so that it can granulate and process new skin. The Sister and Prof came in while I was cleaning one leg and she nodded her approval at me trying to get all the dead skin out by doing circular motions. Then Datin surprised me by giving a good feedback about me to the Sister, "I like some of the girls like her. She takes her time to clean my legs and she does it properly. Whenever she does it, my legs doesn't sting much from the salt and I am able to walk." I feel a glow of happiness. I will admit, once again, that I'm totally useless at most parts, but when it comes to my job, I do it with dedication and patience for one reason only : For my patients to get well and discharge. The Sister nodded and said, "Well, she's new." But Datin still complimented me, nevertheless, along with some other girls. Crikey, she knows all our name. Well, not surprising. She may look like she's not bothered, but she's certainly observant. I once removed my name tag for her dressing because the name tag was in the way when I do dressing. But being the only Chinese girl in the ward, there's nowhere for me to run, especially with my "China Girl" looks. A patient once did a double-take and said, "You're beautiful" when I attended to her.
Sometimes I find myself being hammered down by patients' demands or pressure, and I remembered a brief statement made by the CI, "Sing, it sometimes helps soothe your stress level." Nowadays I find myself humming to some of my songs in my mp3, even singing some oldies that I learnt from my friend's wedding. Now I can't stop singing "Beautiful Sunday", "Sealed With A Kiss" and "Top Of The World", throw in some of the AC/DC, ABBA and some J-Pop in the list and we're all set. At least I'm not dancing, it'll be too funny.  
Before I forget, a shout out to my sister who's birthday is today. God bless ye.

Twin-tastic

3rd December (Wednesday) - Okay, I'm trying very hard to ignore all the bad things that kept coming at me, but people just don't seem to want to let me off the hook that easily, huh. Even til now, people are teasing me about the TUPPERWARE incident, cause as they put it, "It's very funny." I'm never going to live it down, am I? =.=
I got sent to down there to help out due to having a whopping total of 21 patients. I knew there's going to big trouble, because mainly it's the TL. Ugh, I should've known. They are all downstairs girls so I'm in their territory now. I am able to handle Cardiac and Obs and Gynae alright, but here is mainly all bones, fractures, auto-immune and spinals with a combination of Renal. I even met a really weird lady who is really obese with layers and layers of her skin folded everywhere, with  rheumatoid arthritis and who's slightly deaf. No matter how many times I told her we (the attendant and I) had cleaned her, together with applying her Aqueous Cream as she requested, but she kept saying, "No, you didn't." The attendant was so pissed to the point where she told me in a low voice, as I tried to explain to her, over and over again, "Stop wasting your time with her. We got many more patients to attend to." I can't do anything except to just carry on my work, giving her a final wipe and cream, made her comfortable and left.
All the bed-makings were done in a blur as I quickly went for my breakfast after assisting a prof in blood-taking. Then I was ordered to start observation. After several attempts of looking at the wrong places, I finally located the thermometer. Back upstairs, I just open the bottom drawer and I find everything,  Here, I open the bottom drawer and find nothing. Ugh, anyway, I was about to start my observation when this tall guy appeared out of nowhere and held me by the arm and said, "Come follow me do my rounds." Oh, a prof, and he's really tall too, as tall as my friend, again. Sigh... Why am I surrounded by six footers? Must be in their genes to grow super tall.
Anyhow, I carried two of his patients folders and both of them had the same diagnosis, so it's exactly the same orders. No need for me to crack my head. But the crazy part came when he suddenly said, "Follow me to my two other patients." What? I maybe blur in this ward, but I certainly saw the board and only saw two. Ohhh, he got new admissions. But why two of the same people? Then as he did his review, they are actually twins, with the same diagnosis. Oh my. The shorter of the twin is the older one, whereas the older-looking one is the younger sister. Wow, these days modern siblings are often the older one looking like the younger one, whereas the younger looking one looks like the elder one. Same goes for my friend, she looks like the younger sister whereas her younger brother looks like an older brother for being very tall and grown up looking. To cut the long story short, I ended up being with the prof for nearly two whole hours as he did his review on each twin, taking the assessment and getting consents from each parents. By the time I rushed my report writing on all of his patient, my shift had ended.
But wait, before I left, I got a call from physio that asked me whether the patient is ready for her physio or in dialysis, so I went to check on the patient and  found her not in the room, so I checked the bathroom and the poor lady was in a commode chair, trying to get out. Okay, this is how our conversation goes.

Lady : God's Grace, Sister, you finally came.
Me : Are you alright, madam?
Lady : No, I'm not. I pressed the call bell more than three times and NOBODY came. What's wrong, Sister? Why no one came?
Me : Are you sure you pressed the bell, madam? Cause nothing rang outside.
Lady : What??? Oh my goodness, the call bell inside must not been working. Sister, could you please help me up onto my bed? I had been waiting in here for more than 30 minutes. Sigh, I should've never asked the other girl to leave.
Me : Don't worry, madam, I'll help you right now.
Lady : You sure are small, Sister. Are you sure you can carry me?
Me : Don't worry, madam. I can manage.

*Few minutes later*

Lady : Wow, you really are strong. Tell me, Sister, how did you know I was in here?
Me : Why, the physio called. They are asking whether you want your physio or not.
Lady : Ohh, God's Grace. I must thank the physio for sending you to find me.
Me : I think it is God who send the physio the message to me to check on you.
Lady : Mmm, yes, you could be right Sister. Nevertheless, I must thank the physio.
Me : Okay, so what time do you want them to come?
Lady : Evening will do, Sister. And thanks for finding me. Otherwise I'll be stuck there for an hour before anyone comes in to check on me.

And that pretty much concludes the whole shift for today.

And Off To A Rocky Year-End Journey

2nd December (Tuesday) - Okay, the melted Tupperware incident has been exaggerated. First thing I stepped in, there are people telling me that there was a fire, some said that there was an explosion, some said that the plug overheated. Looks like the news spread like wildfire.Although not many people knew it was me, but the issue went over to the Matron, whom I confessed my story to, like confessing to a priest about my sins. Luckily, she wasn't breathing fire at me, but she firstly asked whether I got burnt from the incident. Well, my lungs aren't feeling too good, I still feel like whooping cough, but not too bad. She then asked me how did I exactly heat up the microwave and I told her how I heated it up, by hitting the WEIGHT DEFROST BUTTON and then jabbing 10 SEC rapidly to get the minutes that I wanted. Then she asked how the attendant taught me the method which caused the entire thing to melt. I showed how that she taught me to press AUTO MINUTE. "Well, that certainly explains it. What you did was correct, you should never auto minute. No wonder why the heat is so high." The Matron then said it's better for us not to use the microwave for a while, even though I managed to save it. Well, better to be safe than sorry.
Sigh, I got a lecture from the Sister cause she said that any NEURO or ORTHO cases should be by BED. I checked the memo and it doesn't says NEURO, not specifically it says any operation that hinderance movements. Good grief, they had  to use weird words in BM, instead of saying spine or head surgeries.
Okay, I'm not taking care of Datin today, but I said hi to her family today as they passed by the counter. I did met the nice lady teacher though. I helped her in her sponging and she looks much better compared to the first and second post-op days. I wished the CI would stop pointing out our mistakes in front of the patients out loud. It really makes the patients think twice about letting us care for them, can't she whisper or something? Or say it in private? = . =
I seemed to have become famous with all of the patients because I stick out like a sore thumb, especially with some super fussy patients who can't seem to grab the idea that I can't just simply change your chest tube. Unless you want to go back down and get poke again... The husband and wife just don't understand us. We can flush it a little, but no CHANGING. *mutter mutter*
I followed a prof who specializes in neurosurgery and well, he's super funny. His patient is a super tall guy, well, as tall as my friend. 187 cm with a weight of 138 kg. But he doesn't look big. Really. I guess that's why most tall people have the advantage (Lucky ducks). I tried to keep a straight face but he's too funny, the way he keeps making cartoony movements with his risks of the back surgery, and he even make jokes like the surgery is nothing major, well, it could be minimal or open as he said. Ohhh, I kept turning my face to stop laughing and kept my eyes fixed on the folder so that I don't see his face that is making me laugh. He's one of the type of profs that makes you happy go lucky when you're with him. I know one other prof who has that effect on people. No names allowed. Strictly confidential.
Did I mention that once you start a job, it's impossible to stop? Cause no one will help you. It's a cruel, cruel world out there, and you have to work fast if you want to go back home on time.  Sigh... I hope the microwave gets fixed. I'm (and Datin) are feeling really guilty about the whole mess.

Code Red (!!!) Code Red (!!!)

1st December (Monday) - It's the first day of December and I was praying hard that nothing bad will happen to me as we move towards the end of the year. But this is ME we are talking about, I don't find trouble, TROUBLE always finds ME. God knows how much more bad luck I can take.
It all started off like normal. Taking care of Datin again. No, I won't complain. I already accept the fact that she and I are inseparable. Just like me and one of my college partners, joined to the hip etc etc. Her daughter came out to complain that from 9 o' clock nobody bothered to do her mother's PICC dressing. Well, what would you do? I grabbed the dressing trolley and get started. Then off we go. Normal saline, swab here there, cleaned out the clots, and secured with gauze and plasters. Yep, that's all I can do for now.
Then I got a call from the OT. They asked me whether I want a trolley or not. Well, since the Sister and CI were making a big enough noise about only Ortho (Bone) cases are allowed trolley. So I asked my TL and she said, just get the trolley. Okay, trolley it is. I prepared my patient nice and easy, and off we go. Hoo-boy. I got yelled the anaest  Sigh, she said, "Under no circumstances, all of my patient should be on BED. Do I make myself clear, staff nurse?!" Okay, okay, I think we're going to need a list that says Neuro and Ortho cases should be on bed, and others should be on trolleys. Sad to say, I ended up making two rounds to get the bed down together with the PCA form since they ran out.
Once done I did vital signs checking and had dinner. Not much to say here, and then at 7 I offered to do Datin's dressing early so that I can save the night shift from much trouble, since her dressing takes an hour or more. Since 7 is prayer time, I let her pray finish fist. At 7 plus, she called me to heat up her food and that's when things become worse.
Ever since she first asked me to heat up her food, I had always done it with ease, in Tupperware. Unfortunately, my luck seemed to have run out. As always, I jab non stop at the buttons. One of the attendants couldn't stand me jabbing the buttons like mad so she taught me a shortcut. Heating up with a push of a button. I wanted 3 minutes since whenever I always put 1 - 2 minutes it doesn't heat up at all...
What's that smell??? It smells like burnt tires mixed with plastic. With a sense of foreboding, I jumped to the microwave and HOLY COW, the entire Tupperware MELTED!!!!! MELTED LIKE ICE CREAM SLUDGE!!!! The beef meat mixed with the melted yellow sludge like something out of a disaster. Worse, the whole odour smells like burning. OH MY GOD. Everyone came running into the pantry while I was scraping the yellow melted sludge while disposing the burnt plastic with the meat, burning my fingers in the process, not too badly though. There was a lot of yelling going on and everyone thought there's a fire going on. Well, of course, it smells really bad. Luckily no one called the fire brigade. Even the lifts and the whole floor smells like it's on fire. I was so worried but I am willing to own up, even if it means paying for the Tupperware. After getting all of the food heated, I went back to Datin and owned up, apologizing that I must've accidently set up the heat too high because usually when I heat up her food, it never gets burnt. She felt sorry for me and kept apologizing as well for causing me trouble. I told her that I'm also at fault because I was the one who used the microwave.The bright side was, no one got hurt, and the microwave is still usable, after I scrapped the melted plastic sludge off the glass and cleaned it. Datin also said that she'll bring her own microwave instead of using ours to prevent another incident like this from happening. What can I say? I can't say anything, I felt bad too. My TL asked me whether Datin was furious but I said she was really nice about it, and blamed herself for the incident. She even got the housekeeping to spray the ward with fresh air cleanser to purify the air. I can't say the same for my lungs though. I kept choking and trying to vomit out the fumes but no success. What shocked me was Tupperwares are usually sturdy, not cheap unknown brands, and yet it can melt like mad. What a fiasco.
After we set our apologies straight,I soaked her leg and did her dressing for her. Because I was so exhausted and weakened by the fumes that I can't cough out, she asked her family to help me out. In between., we talked about normal stuff, like how in UK you actually buy a large tub of Maltese, similar to how you can get large tubs of popcorns in the cinema. I joked with her that we might get sick from it and her daughter commented that we'll all probably get diabetes from it, besides the politics and the recent news and such. Even her son helped, such a cute little boy and eager to help. I joked that he could probably be a nurse and they said, "Why not a doctor?" At least they tried to make me feel better as I layered upon layered of Jelonet rolls and pads with large gamgee wools with bandages.
After the microwave incident, a patient asked whether we have a microwave to heat up food and all of us groaned. Me, in particular, buried my face into my hands with the gamgee I'm holding and ran into the report room. My TL went, "Sorry, our microwave is history." Thanks, TL. I think we all had enough of microwaves for a day.

Alcoholic Trouble

30th November (Sunday) - As always, Sunday is considered to be dull, not all the time, and certainly not today. When I came in for my shift, my name got mentioned before I even started duty. Why is that? Why, it's because of yesterday. No, nothing to do with my post op patient. Apparently, it's about my new admission. What's wrong with her? Nothing is wrong with her, but it's regarding about her son having some drunken issues. Whaaaaat? But he seemed like a nice enough person. Lucky I wasn't in the evening shift, because according to the brief story I was given, apparently he had too much to drink and tried assaulting my poor TL, who was giving report at the time til she had to run for her life in fear of physical abuse and harassment. Oh my goodness, if I were her, I might've ran away screaming my head off. It was so scary to the point where she ran to security for help. And the family also apologized. Apparently he had this problem for a while, but he refused to seek treatment. Oh great. The message was also directed to me from the Sister because, as she put it, "You're too fair, so one hit, and everyone will know that you've been abused." Oh, great, Sister, thanks for making me "famous". TwT
Well, once we got that aside, time to care for our heavy care patients. A few regular patients and such. Only a total of 10 patients but they drive us nuts for the first few hours. Drip infusions ringing like mad, strict I/O for certain patients, 2 hourly, 3 hourly, 4 hourly vital signs, certain strict urine measurement otherwise the profs will bite our heads off. Some of the girls were like, "Not bad, you know some their styles already." Well, nearly entering my fourth month and seeing the same profs over and over again, I could catch some of their styles. Not all, some.
Because I couldn't write most of my stories in time anymore, I now carry a blank book with me so that I can write my story, and then type it out, just like back in my secondary school days. Write and
then type it all into my laptop. It maybe double work, but I prefer it that way, rather than to work every single day and being unable to write. It's torture. Occasionally, if I can't imagine my demons, I grab a rough piece of paper and just sketch real fast with my pen. Sometimes, they appear, sometimes it takes me a lot of times to get my envisioned demon to appear. Yeah, I really want to finish writing about Lloyd's adventure before I move on to other stories like Blitz's and several other new projects.
Near the end of my shift, I was taking care of the counter when the psychiatric doctor came. So I told him briefly about our alcoholic dramas, and the most important thing, I said to him urgently, "Doctor, the family don't take too kindly to psychiatric doctors, So you have to say you are a geriatric doctor (a doctor for the elderly)." He got my message and went over to the family. I hope he is able to solve the poor lady's mental state. And we're praying hard that her son will, please please please, don't get drunk. Apparently one of the senior girls said she saw tons of alcohol bottles in the car park basement. (!!!!!)

Double, Triple, Quadraple

29th November (Saturday) - Noon -> Double (Morning plus noon) -> Morning
I'm so sorry about the late update. Because I was on doing noon shift on Thursday, but because we had a shortage of staff, I was requested to do double shift for the next day. Since there's not much people on duty, and I happened to be free, well, why not?
For the past few days, I've been taking care of Datin, well, I used to do the normal way of cleaning her legs, but this time it's totally different. Instead of normal dressing, now it takes up to about an hour.See, now that her legs condition have no improvement, we have to do an alternative. Now we have to soak her legs in Potassium. It sounds easy but I can tell you, it is not. It involves a lot of getting on to your knees, backaches and knee cramps because, first, you have to fill up her super large basin til it's half full. And the basin size, it's about more than sixty centimetres wide, and it takes a while for it to fill up. Once done, the maid and depending whoever is the one who do the dressing, will half drag, half carry the basin to Datin. Then, armed with two bottles of Potassium, the person will have to pour from small to moderate amount at a time. Depending on the colour, you're going to have to pour more or less, a little like hot and cold guessing game (Kweh. Kweh?! KWEEE-EH!!!) Okay, bad pun. When the water turned into a rich shade of purple, that means the amount is correct (Roughly estimated about half a bottle, dilute in a half-filled basin) Then you have to soak her feet in it for 20 minutes, and water her legs form the knee down while putting gamgee pad wools on her thigh. A very tiring task especially when I have to pour all over her legs over and over to make sure it is thoroughly soaked. And after that, to apply a lot of jelonet layers til all her broken down skins are covered, then wrapped in a large rolled gauze and crepe bandage. I am actually very thankful to Datin is she actually appreciate how much time I spend for her to make sure her wound is improving, occasionally she shares me some of her oversea stories. Sigh, if only I had money to visit my twinnie...
Okay, about double shift is no fun job, not even for the money. God knows, but throughout my whole double, it was tiring and exhausting. Jumping after professors, preparing most of their patient for operation that are in the coming morning, tons of discharges at the same time, together with admissions. Oh, mayhem!!! We don't even have enough people to do observation but nevertheless, we managed to pull through. With five to six hours of sleep, I proceed on to morning.
Today it's morning, and okay, we are all busy with our many op cases. With discharges rushing in. The good thing was most of our patients, we already sent the folders for interim, so mostly they are just rounding up final adjustments. It's an overall repeat of the double shift day so there's nothing much to add, except that my back and shoulders are aching from yesterday pre-op shaving, especially for privates. No joke. Some obs and gynae profs are strict to the point where if you miss out or didn't shave clean (And I do mean CLEAN), they'll make you come down and shave for the patient, or get your name from the folder and sing an orchestra. Since I nearly got into the orchestra as well, I made sure that it's CLEAN. Technically it wasn't the shaving part but stockings. (Nearly have to write a very long apology speech but thank God the crisis was averted.)
So tired. I felt as though I just done four shifts in a row with every patient commenting why do they see my face every single day as though I never go back to sleep. Zzzzz.

Heart To Heart

25th November (Tuesday) - Okay, I think it's already been four days I'm taking care of Datin. Not that I'm complaining but, why are we inseparable? I think she must be getting tired of seeing my face. So are the other few who are regular patients. The first thing they asked me were, "Girl, why do you often appear in every shift? Do you even get a day off?" Well, I do get a day off, it's just randomized. It could be cause now I'm getting into the habit of going around to chat with my patients, made sure they have all eaten, bathe, stuff like that. Back in the old training days, we don't even have that much time to chat with your patients to know them better.
I didn't get to follow any profs today. When you are taking care of Datin, she's a little difficult, but a nice lady. I often have to use a lot of plastic and hypafix tapes to protect both of her legs getting soaked, together with her PICC. Well, today, I don't know why she wanted me to wrap in a different method. So I just did as she comply. The legs are okay, she could navigate easier, but the PICC one is really awkward. It was soaked while she took her nice shower. Awww, looks like I have to do my dressing in one shot instead of it being due tomorrow. Sigh, so here comes the trolley with my forceps and saline,
In between I did chat with some patients. Most of them are wondering why they often see my face and I just answered them that I'm on duty. Maybe i should disappear for a day and see.... Ah, I'm joking. But Datin, a patient's wife and the chemo lady turned out to be really chatty with me. Because all three, I often spend time with them to get their I/O done. Datin's case is mainly because I had to do her dressings when needed, or if the Matron is not around, and do all the wrappings. We talked about Arab cultures, GST implementation and she asked me why I became a nurse. I mentioned that I took up nursing cause it's one of the only ways I can write my stories. But Datin strike reality by saying, "I don't think nursing gives you enough time to write too, girl." She's right, in truth. Back when I was a student nurse, I actually had time to write. Seriously, despite all the heavy assignments because I actually have my weekends free. And usually if I have a super free day. I can usually write an average of 2 to 3 pages. Not this time. Datin suggested to me to try out writing comics, since one of her family members worked on the My Little Ponies comics. I admitted to Datin, I'm only good at drawing characters, but when it comes to backgrounds, I'm awful. And it looks really cartoony when I drew it in. But she said to me, "The most important thing is that you are using your own style. Don't give up." Awww, seriously, she gave me motivation to never give up on my writing. Who would've thought??? =D

http://elaynecapahony.deviantart.com/art/Rough-art-of-Chapter-1-392417163 (This is a link of the comic I attempted. You can have a look if you want.)


For the patient and his wife, well, like I said, he actually have cancer, but his wife is so optimistic. I never questioned her about it in case of hurting her or the uncle's feelings, but someone asked her right out, and she merely answered that she's being cheerful to support her husband. She asked me whether it's wrong and I said to her, "It's good to feel optimistic, no harm. Because for husband and wife, their support for each other is the strongest. If one feels sad, the other feels it too." She smiled and answered that's why she's being optimistic, for both her husband and herself. And her husband, although he rarely smiles, he actually feels good thanks to her support and encouragement.
Then there's the lady whom is another regular patient for chemo. She's a really nice lady, often likes talking to me about her life in Singapore. It's always interesting to hear her stories, if she's not in constant pain and I'm free. I really hope I get the chance to go to Singapore for holidays. It's been a long while.
The greatest surprise came when my old patient came, as she had promised, bringing us lunch. I can't believe she actually went to so much trouble, even though I told her she don't need to. Well, since she went to so much trouble, I guess I'll just accept it.

*Listen to this song, the meaning is really deep.
.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FWWePKj5rs

Familiar Faces

24th November (Monday) - While it may be a previously dull moment on Sunday, today we had admissions, but not so bad. But my mind felt like it's only half-awake, as it always does whenever I'm on noon duty and going to morning in the next day. But for patients' sake, I shall do my very best. 

I seemed to be glued to Datin because for three days I've been taking care of her. Not that I'm complaining but she's being really difficult by making odd requests. Argh, patience, patience, I've been handling her from the first time she entered and this is no difference, she's co-operative, just being slightly difficult.

Hnmm, I've never expected much out of myself, to tell you the truth. And for some reason my stomach seems to disagree with me today. God knows. I came back from a round of major stomach complain to find a phone call waiting for me. That's strange, I don't get much phone call since I'm pretty much 'invisible' most of the time, but what a pleasant surprise. It's an old patient of mine from two months back. I definitely still remember her, she's the cute lady with the bob-cut hair and whom had stayed for 10 days because of her drain spilling out a lot. Oh yes, I still remember every shift we changed bottles about 3 - 4 times. Aww, she wanted to bring lunch for us, unfortunately most people that she remembered had changed departments or left jobs. No matter, even though I told her she didn't need to bring lunch, she insisted and said she'll make it before the end of our shift. Well, it's the patience's kindness... Let's just wait til tomorrow and see what happens.

I thought having taken a chiffon cake and my porridge should help quell my gastric problem. Bzzt. For some reason near the end of my shift I ended up getting another gastric pain. Ohhhh. Dear God, why does it have to keep coming? I felt a severe pain at my abdomen and was clutching in pain near the end of my shift. Oh help. Thank God I already fixed an appointment with the Gatro Prof, I hope he'll be able to fix my gastric issues. No joke. My old patient once said to me that gastric can eventually lead to gastritis, and in worse case scenario, CA gastric. t Oh God, no, please no. I don't want any disease. 

Because of some issues, I had to rush to buy postal orders at the nearest shopping complex post office despite my gastric pain and who do I run into but old friends. I wonder how come I keep getting popped by surprises from familiar patients and old classmates? Must be a sign from God telling me to keep moving onwards... Sigh, I do miss my student life.