Not on duty, but I'm heading back to work tomorrow.
These lockdown diaries, besides writing, drawing, reading and listening to music is probably the one thing that are keeping me sane, trust me, it's best to keep the mind occupied.
I heard from others that our lockdown will be lifted on the 14th, but I don't think so. Our government already stated several times: "As long as the cases do not go below 4,000, then the lockdown will continue." Aye, I don't think it's going to go below 4,000 within these few days, not unless there is a miracle.
People often teased me for being an old soul. In a way, I guess I am. I used to care a lot what people would think of me. I used to be ashamed that I am an independent/ freelance writer, that I am a failure, and I got the rejection letters and ignored query letters to prove it (Most are very kind though, they thank me for my emails and said my books aren't right for them), and a nurse. This is true, especially during events and gatherings when people ask me what I do for a living. Whenever I replied what I work as, I tend to get looked down on. Mainly because people treat nurses almost like a maid, sad but true. If you look back at my old posts, I never shied away from the things I used to encounter back in the wards, even back when I was a student nurse. I had people boasting to me that it's easy to administer an injection, to dress a wound, to handle difficult patients, write reports... If that's the case, then why didn't everyone just become a nurse? Why are there still a huge shortage of us? Especially during this dire times where retired healthcare workers came stepping up to fight the pandemic.
Although I'm no longer at the frontlines, dealing with patients and doctors directly, and has been shifted to admin support side, I never once took nursing for granted. Going through those three years are rough, not to mention we have to learn every single thing about the human body before going into diseases and illnesses, and we were also taught basic psychology and effective communications. It may seem simple, but until you try to apply it in real life, then you'll know that it's not as straightforward as you think. You never know when you are going to encounter a difficult person, how we have to put on a brave front in front of grieving families, how we have to take the verbal abuses from nasty patients and doctors alike (sometimes from co-workers who dislikes you), how we had been physically assaulted by patients (In my experience, no less than double digits, mainly in the wards, it's terrifying for sure.) It's not something that a textbook can teach you to be honest. All it does is teaches you the fundamentals, but the rest of it, you learn as you go.
Of course not everything is terrible. I have encountered good people as well. It doesn't matter if it's a small gesture or something as simple helping the patients, the moment when they say "Thank you for your help" That is when we feel good, as simple as that. Even back in the days when I used to bring the patients for little walks via wheelchairs, they are happy for that gesture, because sometimes they stayed cooped up in their room all the time. It's nice to get out of the room once in a while.
Regarding my current job, although I'm no longer upfront, the phone calls and enquiries I tend to get is seriously...weird and interesting...if you could put it that way. At the moment the Interesting Phone Calls I received is on hold due to the Lockdown Diaries, but if you look through them, you could see how my current job forces me to be alert and focused, because not to exaggerate, due to the pandemic, I've been getting a lot of calls and enquiries seeking for mental help. It's sad when you get calls hearing how someone is cheating in a relationship, or someone planned to end their life, planning for abortion, people demand for compensation... People tend to lash out at us, thinking we are lucky that we have a stable job. Truth is, all of us are struggling. Just because we don't say it doesn't mean we aren't. Who isn't struggling during the pandemic? Everyone is, I wrote an essay regarding about it and even compared our situation to the Lord of the Flies.
I think it's high time I throw in some things to be grateful for:
1) I've been putting effort into keeping myself healthy due to my 'old lady' bones by doing cardio on the treadmill (slanted). (Bonus: I've been wrapping pair of 2kgs weights around my upper limbs, last week I decided to step up and added another pair of 2kg weights around my lower limbs, and even though it was initially hard and I struggled, I managed to do it for 20 minutes)
2) I used to be awful at planking, after some encouragement from friends, I managed to do it for a minute without shaking. It's good for core exercise because the physiotherapist told me most people actually have a weak core, and it's good to build it up, especially if you are going to carry heavy patients. I'm not allowed due to above mentioned condition, but I do it for the sake of health. And I use this song, because it's exactly a minute-ish. 41-What?-FFVI OST ("Oh hey, the stove has been acting funny again.")
3) Despite the fact that the bad tend to outshine the good many times, I'm grateful that I have a stable job and am able to continue doing what I love as a passion, whether it be writing, drawing or just doing DIY crafts. Besides, I have friends and closed ones who have told me, no matter what happens, always have a stable job at hand, and do not rely mainly on my books for income, because let's face it, not many people read nowadays. People love audiobooks.
4) I know it may seem a little silly, but I'm glad I managed to pick up a lot of hobbies during the pandemic, that way I often have things to do instead of idling around. Besides, I discovered tons of great music. I really want to make Cookies n Cream ice cream but I can't go out because nearby the bakery supplies shop is the CAC.
5) True I do not socialize much, but I have friends who keep me in check and often are there for me whenever I feel like I'm breaking.
Source: Gorillaz - Tranz (Official Video) published by Gorillaz on 14th September 2018
