Nursing had long been misunderstood as a job that run after the patients. So I thought I shared some of my real life experiences up here. Please note that all names are highly confidential, and certain conversations and lines had to be edited for confidential and privacy of others.
I thought my tears had dried up but a friend shared me this story via FB and now I can't stop crying, because people who kept claiming that everywhere is sunshine and daisies are WRONG. We're all desperate and tired, yet we kept going because we have to. This story is sad, and I'm not going to say one side is totally at fault here. I read through despite the tears kept flowing, I even went to to the original Mandarin post and read it. I can't say it's hundred percent that one side is at fault here, and healthcare workers really are tired and burnout. It came to the point where the demand is now higher than the supply, and everywhere is overflowing and congested. I get that both side are frustrated, believe me, I get it. I'm trying to keep it together but judging from the conversation, it seems that I'm mentally drained. Even my family commented on it. They said I looked freakishly pale and I looked as though I didn't get enough sleep. I tried, I like putting my favourite music on at night, but lately I seem to sleep for two or three hours and then ended up waking up and unable to sleep.
I took a call from a person who were increasingly becoming frustrated and was biting my head off, but I let them, because what else can I do? They have checked everywhere and everyone had said the same thing. They thought maybe we could perhaps give him some sort of miracle. They were agitated and started telling me how the family were feeling weak and they wanted to get a x-ray and blood tests done because they scared that it could be pneumonia. I have been getting a lot of these enquiries lately, especially during night times so I asked my doctors what can I do: Advise them to go to their local CAC to get checked. They went on how the CAC queue is so long that they refuse to send their families there because they are feeling weak. I don't blame them, to be honest, I would get frustrated too. I'm thankful that my family members are taking their health seriously, and we keep other in check, because trust me, you do not want to get Miss Rona. After they vented their frustrations, the person apologized for biting my head, but I told them politely, "It's okay, I understand you're frustrated. All of us are, except we are trying not to say it outloud." They understood and thanked me for my time. So, it's good I guess I managed to make someone's day...
One person really irked me, because they send an enquiry regarding antibodies. So I sent the flier just be sure I'm getting my facts right, then they said, no, they want another test regarding the Covid antibodies, so I showed another flier. Then I explained that you will need to get your second vaccination first, and after two weeks only then you should do the test. Then the person said, "I never took the vaccination, nor did I have covid, I'm just asking whether I can do the test to see if I can get naturally acquired immunity or not."
Mary, Mother of God.
Um, the only way to get naturally acquired immunity is to get it, like chicken pox, which I do not recommend. And I do not recommend getting Miss Rona, no way. I had pneumonia once and it was bad, and my doctor stressed to me several times, just because you got it once doesn't mean that you are hundred percent safe. Honest to God, if that's the case, then we don't need to be scared of diseases. Nothing is ever hundred percent in medical line. This is the one thing we have stressed over and over again. There is no miracle in medicines, we can only depend on science and research and facts, not Google, Facebook, Whatsapp, and certainly not psuedo-science.
I was hovering around Khairy's Twitter and usually I like to check on the people who I admired, like Uncle Steve, JK Rowling and the gang, so I hopped a little to one of the artists whom I admired, and oh gosh. I do not have Youtube, Twitter nor Tiktok accounts, so I'm going to say it from my previous posts. Stop bashing Social Repose already, God. His last video wasn't offensive, I got the context, and I understand he's strange, but for crying out loud, stop taking his narrative and twist everything out of turn. Why don't you all put himself in his shoes and see how it feels like? I mentioned it before, not everything is seen in a black and white mindset. He makes great music and art content, you don't know what you're missing out on. I was like that at one point, but the people around me told me several times, Not Everything Is Always Black and White. There will always be a grey area where no one will know. I'm glad I gave his content another chance because it is artistic and you can see the passion he poured into. Don't like someone, ignore and disengage. This is why stans scare me. JUDGE YE NOT LEST BE JUDGED. The funny thing is my doctors thought his music are great since I often put his music (and many others) on while working, and they joked maybe the mob should come down and help us out in the frontlines to make use of their productive time because we are seriously understaffed. I love my doctors, they're awesome.
*Today's case: 17,170 (Ah, I'm going to watch some comedy. This is depressing)
The video sums up the entire point. If you have seen my previous posts, I have already said, several times, stop treating things lightly. It's almost always the same. It's always I went to point A just for a while, or I just go out with just this one friend. Enough is enough. We have already surpassed Italy and India cases. It's almost like the apocalypse is upon us yet we still see people flaunting the rules and regulations. Everytime the number goes down, everyone cheered, then the next day it goes back up. And you wonder why we can't have nice things?
The last week of working night shifts made me cry so much. Cases are rising, people were calling me in the middle of the night begging me for help, which I can't because everywhere is full. Most cases were already so critical that we don't have critical beds and our patients are already on ventilators. It came to the point where healthcare workers are now forced to choose who to save. It's now come down to survival of the fittest. "But I have the money! I can pay you!'' I don't want your money, I don't have beds, don't you understand? How can we give patients the proper care they deserve if we can't give them critical beds and the sufficient equipment and manpower?
One call in particular made me cry so hard after our conversation ended. They were begging me for help because patient was suspected having hypoxia. They have called everywhere and everywhere is already full. When I asked them to call 999, they told me they did, and this is what they told me.
"Unless the patient is having difficulty in breathing or dying, they will not send an ambulance over..."
Yes, it was that dire. We do not have enough ambulances anymore, everywhere is congested, it's like a friend told me, "Air mata tidak boleh meliuh dah." (Roughly translated to (Our) Tears can't flow anymore) They're right. What's the point of us crying anymore? I cried so hard the last few days because I do not know what else to advise. And I'm trying my best not to say too much because times like these are depressing. Everyone is already mentally stressed out and depressed, I do not need to add more fuel to the fire. This is why I shared briefly regarding my job, because everyone knows working in healthcare is not easy. I don't need to do a deep dive on how scary it is. Not to mention there's huge clusters of breakout happening everywhere.
Please, I implore you, get vaccinated, stop vaccine shopping, take care of your health, go out for your essential shopping if needed, but most importantly, WEAR A MASK, WASH YOUR HANDS, MAINTAIN A SAFE DISTANCE AND PRACTICE YOUR SOP. And remember, just because you have been fully vaccinated, this does not mean that you are 100% safe.
As of few days ago, we just struck past 1 million. Jackpot (That's sarcasm right there)
We are already a year plus into the pandemic, and the phone calls that comes in can be baffling... I didn't even plan to post this because my arm and ear hurt from the constant phone calls (and because I needed a break from the constant posts), but I need to get this off my shoulders.
Vaccine Shopping
Pfizer, Sinovac, Astra Zeneca...
Lots of decisions to ponder,
Either way it doesn't matter,
As long as you get your jab...
You can see I didn't take any creative writing courses....
Cancelling Your Vaccination Appointment Unnecessarily
I said it once, I said it again, I'll say it till you get tired of me. Unless it is necessary, don't cancel your vaccination appointment unnecessarily! You got it at your finger tips, and you cancel it because "I do not want <insert brand>, I want <insert brand>" People are already dying because of covid, it's important to get vaccinated, because that way, you have at least a layer of protection. Stop choosing and get vaccinated! Please, I'm begging you, unless it is due to unfortunate circumstances, then yes, you can change the appointment.
Fully Vaccinated Means I Can Ditch The Mask And I'm Safe
No, you may not ditch the mask. It is still compulsory, practice your SOP and stay safe. Vaccine is a layer of protection, it's not a 100% cure. And no, don't travel unnecessarily as everywhere covid is on the rise again.
Covid Enquiries
It can range from many things, but the most common one I get is "Difficulty in breathing" / "Shortness of breath" / "Saturation level is less than 90%" CALL 999 OR HEAD TO THE NEAREST GOVERNMENT HOSPITAL IMMEDIATELY! But - but - I don't want the government. For God's sake, the patient is in severe condition and you still don't want to call 999? Which also brings us to -
I Don't Like The Government Sector
"Service is awful" / "No one cares about me" / "Food is terrible" I wish to transfer out immediately. You have to help me. Do you realize...that you are lucky to even get a bed? I have patients who really requires bed, and they can't get any due to the congested cases. I have patients who lost their lives because of covid because they couldn't get treatment on time, and you want to transfer out because the service is bad? Everyone is fighting for the pandemic right now, and there's a huge shortage of staffs that everyone is burnout, and yet you are making a fuss just because the service is bad? It's not even that people were neglecting them, when I query further, it's mainly about hospitality... The food is terrible part irked us to the point where my Medical Officer went into a launch telling that everyone is trying their best to survive and they wanted to transfer out because of the food. You can't even transfer out because everywhere is FULL. Oh, and the government choose you. You can't just waltz into the government hospital and demand for a bed, they choose you.
Since we're here, is private better than government? The answer is they are equally the same. For certain things, I go for the government, because not everyone can afford private healthcare. When I went to the government sector for scaling, it cost me around three ringgit. If I go to private sector, it cost around hundred plus. The only thing is...in government you have to wait for a long time, and most of the time you are not allowed to negotiate. That's the only one thing about government, otherwise, I can say their treatment is on par with private.
Fake News Circulating
We kept getting news that the vaccines are fake, that it is just water, and that empty syringes are being jabbed. Need I remind you again that spreading fake news is damaging everyone's reputation and business. Everyone is already mentally drained, stop making things worse for us and yourself... Get away from social media, and if you see a news that looks suspicious, verify with the source first instead of spreading it all around. I'm glad a local family owned business is filing a police report due to defamation and slander, because it seems that people who spread fake news think it's funny or that they can get away with it.
Using the Emergency Line as Your Own Personal Hotline
I don't know how many times the emergency phone rang that I drop everything and run to attend to it, because it is what it is stated. It is an emergency line, it's a matter of life or death, but every time when we answer it, people called us for the most mundane of things. It got to a point where I got annoyed and I told one person firmly, "We'll call you through our landline, kindly do not call this line because it is meant for emergency only." Till this day, no one seems to get it.
We Should Know Everything
Yes, every nook and cranny, like what's going on in the operating theatre, the wards, other hospitals etc etc. Sorry, we do not. This is why you need to call the respective departments or hospitals. You are not going to call a McDonald's to order pizza right? When I was in the wards, or as a patient who is hospitalized, there is something call ward orientation, meaning we explain everything from A to Z, regarding the bed controls, the TV, the storage vault, the washroom, the call bells, do and don'ts, fall prevention, everything. Once we explain everything, you need to sign the paper as acknowledgement that you understood. If something is going on in the ward, you use the call bell to call for help. Why would you call us??? It's the same for surgeries. You can call the landline and ask for the operating theatre reception counter to ask. We don't have access to the operating theatre system.
Can You Give Me The Doctor's Personal Mobile? It's Very Important
The answer that we will give till the end of time is a big NO. No one sane is going to give you the doctor's personal mobile. You need to call through the general clinic extension and ask for them. From experience, once you give your personal mobile to a patient, they are going to hound you even when you're not on duty. If the doctor is the one who personally gave their mobile, then there's nothing we can do about it, but we'll never give it out.
Appointment(s)
Please call the clinic directly to make an appointment. I find it so weird to go through six, seven different channels just to get an appointment. You want to make a reservation at Chili's? Call or email them. You want to see Dr Moustache? You call their clinic directly or email, if you are able to. You want to find out if Popular Bookstore have your favourite books in stock? You call or email them directly. Sorry, I went a little off track. The point is.. if you want to make an appointment (or something), go directly to the source. If you can't wait, the emergency is open 24 hours.
Overseas/ Outstation to Get Covid Treatment
Most of the time patients are already between life and death, yet they still ask to seek help far away. When it comes to life and death, seconds counts. Head to the nearest healthcare facility or call 999. You're not going to travel down for 6 hours to get help. It's not logic, and you risk spreading covid everywhere. Most places have basic healthcare facilities and decent hospitals, don't tell me that there's none, even our rural areas have at least one or two.
I'm so tired... Most of the things are repetitive, but it seems that people are unable to comprehend what we're trying to say. Stop calling us heartless monsters, or asking us to burn in Hell, we're trying our best to help everyone, and sometimes we're too late to save people. Just because we don't say it doesn't mean we are okay.
*Today's case: 10,972 (We can get through this...)
Oh Lord, the morning shift is plain crazy. My ear hurts, and I have to put Acustop on my shoulder, and my heart is pounding hard. If you could check my saturation level, I think you can see that I'm close to hyperventilating. Please, make it stop...
From 7am onwards, people are demanding for rooms again. As much as I would like to say okay, let's get you in, I can't. We don't have rooms anymore. Everywhere is full, everywhere is seriously full. Cases are already getting serious, I was practically begging people to get help but they outright refused and insist on waiting for private beds. Please, please, please, stop gambling with your life already. If you can even get a bed in government sector, it's considered good. There are some people who are already in government sector wards and they demand to be transferred. Why? "The food taste awful." Oh my LORD, you're getting admitted for covid, not for the food. My goodness, I told some of the people to stay put at the government sector and they demand why. Well, first of all, you aren't fit for transfer. No one is going to risk transferring you inter-hospital, what's going to happen if something happen to you? And the second point that we have always stressed, government sector is the best place to get admitted because they have sufficient backup and they are expert in handling severe cases. Most of the cases I had to give them health advice because most of them were at a lost.
I pretty much ignored the enquiry due to the constant phone ringing. Everytime we drop a phone, it rings second later. It's an endless cycle, and once a covid case comes in, we spend a long time with them. It's unavoidable. And no matter what people say, phone calls are the main priority. If you can Whatsapp, it means you are willing to wait. Phone calls are mainly urgent cases. This is why I always stressed, if it's urgent, please call. Do not whatsapp.
I know people are desperate, but please stop making outright ridiculous demands. Someone called to tell me to tell the doctors to wait for them ten minutes to closing time. I'm sorry, it's not that we refuse to help, the problem is weekend is the day where everyone works half day and people want to go home early to spend time with their family. "But I live nearby, please help me!" Sorry, the one who has the final say are the doctors. The person refused to take no for an answer and forced my hand, and as predicted, everyone had went home by twelve thirty, and the clinic nurses were closing for the day, and all of them said the same thing: "Go to emergency and page for the doctor on call." True enough when I called them back, they were calm and accepted to go to the emergency. Could you please...just stop pressuring people? The reason why they don't want to go to emergency: "It's full of covid." Um, the whole entire air is contaminated. *Covid is everywhere, I have patients who stayed home and followed the SOPs, and yet they still get covid. It mainly depends on your body immunity, and healthcare facilities takes so much precaution to make sure the place is thoroughly sanitized and safe.
Well, not exactly. Rona is still around, and all of us still got to practice on our SOP guidelines, wear masks and wash your hands (And get your vaccines). Since the lockdown is over, this will be the last entry of the lockdown diaries. I never intended to do this challenge, it was constantly in my head, but it was my friend who gave me the shove. "It's probably a good way to challenge yourself to write throughout the lockdown..." Except for missing one small post by six minutes, I managed to post throughout the lockdown days. It was originally intended to be two weeks, then it got extended, and extended to the point where I was basically just writing as long as the government said keep going.
It was tiring to be honest, in between juggling shifts, editing and working on writings. The main goal of the challenge was to write everyday without missing a beat. In fact, I even doubt myself when the lockdown extended, not to mention I don't know what I could write during my off days. How do I post something during my off days? My topics mainly focused on books, music, arts, people that has inspired me.... Let's be honest, I'm not going to talk much about my work life during my off days, but this blog is meant to share about my nursing life, so I still have to sprinkle in a little of it, and since I'm no longer dealing with dressings, injections, procedures and such, things has probably gone stale... I actually left blogging for a few years with little intention of reviving it. You can thank my friends who were asking me to share how life is during the first MCO.... Besides, I did started out blogging first before writing novels.
Does this mean you can do the NanWoWriMo? I can't, because it is more suited for people who are free for a month. Lockdown diaries is something that I could attempt because I'm not writing full length novels. If you are attempting to write a novel, you need to at least hit a minimum of 50,000 words, and from experience, that is roughly around 200 pages. Now if you recall Tolkien's Lord of the Rings trilogy (1,137 pages), Stephen King's IT (1,138 pages) and JK Rowling's Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (766 pages).... Those are a lot of words...
Will you ever write more about your nursing life? Well, you made it this far haven't you? I know I pretty much float around, but yeah, 47 entries of diaries should made a fun read, don't you think? Thanks for making it through my ups and down. So, once again, wear your mask (double mask if you can), wash your hands, get vaccinated and stay hydrated.
You're right, Doctor, prevention is better than cure... But as the old saying goes: I can bring the horse to the pond, but I can't force the horse to drink it
Noon shift, which means I get to sleep in a little.
It's nice to see many people are getting their vaccines, but you still see some people demanding to change their appointments. Please... don't change your appointments unnecessarily, we can't stress this enough, and please stop asking to slot your names into the backup list. It is handled mainly by the government.
Today seemed to be one of those days where I feel like a punching bag. People calling us to get admitted, but when we have no beds, there goes all the name callings that you can think of. It doesn't hurt like it used to. I got called all sorts of things growing up, this is nothing, although the worse thing I ever experienced was a patient telling me to kill myself with my doctor when I was a newly joined nurse.
This is the one time where I really dislike the internet, because I got a call from someone who claimed that there are fake vaccines going about, that inside the syringes are water. You do realize that what you're saying is damaging to everyone's reputation right? If any healthcare facilities get caught giving out fake vaccines, the Ministry of Health will shut us down without a second thought. "You're a nurse, what would you know?!" It has nothing do with me being a nurse or not. If people want to cheat me, they could. This is why we have to be alert and vigilant... As mentioned in a previous post, if you go around spreading false news, you affect not only the person involved, but you also damage the company's business and reputation. You can see why I have pretty much a love/hate relationship with the internet. Leaning more on the hate due to people spreading false news.
Time went by so fast for today. I didn't attend much enquiries, I was busy running after covid cases, and some of the same people call me several times for a bed. I'm not a magician, calling me after few hours, there's no way I can conjure a bed. Not to mention that the waiting list is long, probably the size of a novella when I held the file. I have to advise everyone on the waiting list that if their condition deteriorates, call 999 or head to the nearest government hospitals immediately. Same song and dance.
When things calmed down a little, I could slowly go through the enquiry list, and some of the enquiries I got were really weird. One that stood out in particular was there are two people in the same house tested positive, will they worsen because they are together? Have you seen the quarantine centers? Everyone were jammed packed together, and nothing happened to them. It's more of a The Strong Survives scenario. There's no way I can say your covid will worsen or not, it depends on whether your body can tolerate it or not. I recalled a case where I took that the whole family were tested positive, and they asked us to take the ones who really needed proper care while the rest of them stayed home. All of them recovered.
I don't know why people like to ask the age old question: "Recommend me the best doctors you have." There's no best doctors per se. All our doctors are experienced, otherwise how would they become doctors? The one thing I always emphasise on is the chemistry. If you don't have chemistry with the doctor, you'll never listen to them, nor take their advice. It's called building a rapport, a relationship, and I can tell you, it takes two to work in a relationship. If it's one-sided, it's going to fail miserably.
Going to crash early because I'm working in the morning.
Morning again, it's time to fight the Spanish fly flu. Curse you Freudian slip!
Look at the little cactus. Look at the tiny flower at the side :D
Patient(s): "You're going to Hell!"
Me: "I guess I am."
That is what happened between us and patients who were desperate for covid beds. The situation is so dire that people are now fighting with us for beds. It's not just us, it's everywhere. Phone calls as early as 7 + started calling us non stop demanding for beds. Most of them has escalated to shortness of breath, difficulty in breathing, chest tightness, heart problems, poor saturation levels... Cases like these, you know that you're going to need CCU/ ICU beds, and we're already full. When we begged patients to please go to government sector emergency departments... You can insert the conversation above...
Some people are just plain weird as well. Some of them were lucky to get beds in private or government sector, and they demand to be transferred out to other places, because the service is awful. Are - are you listening to yourself? Do you realize that you're lucky to get into a hospital, especially government sector? Government sector are the experts in handling covid cases because they been fighting it since day one, everywhere is already overflowing and congested. And the doctors and nurses there are working hard to save everyone, they barely have time for themselves anymore.
A lot of people has been sending weird enquiries as well. What does (your) internet connection has to do with us? There's a lot of people sending us enquiries on why their internet has problem? Before that, someone asked if we have a service that does sanitizing for cars for covid cases? Um, since when do we do car sanitizing services? Do these people know what they are sending or are they just sending things in with blind faith...or do we have a car sanitizing service that I'm not aware of? Regarding the internet connection, maybe try resetting your internet connection? My PC has gone weird as well, I think I restarted it twice just to get it running, the PC also probably got fed up of me as well.
Some people called me regarding weird stuff again. Due to the non-stop phone calls, I can't spend too long with calls, yet no matter how fast I try to move, people tend to ask questions so I have no choice but to entertain. The problem is people still take things too lightly. A good example of this is one person insisted on coming here claiming they like it here and refused to go and get help. Please stop being stubborn and get help already!!! And why are people so scared of us talking to the patients? "Can we please liaise with the patient directly as we will need to clerk a thorough medical history?" "Why do you need to talk to the patient directly?" Good grief, do we still need to go through this? We need a thorough medical history for God's sake, and what better way to get the full details from the source themselves? Unless the patients are unwell/ unfit, then yes, we will go through the caller.
I got a weird phone call regarding someone who wants to change their vaccination date. The reason being: "Oh I got a convention centre, it's not near any hospitals. How can I trust them not to help me if I develop any allergic reaction?" Um, do you realize there are healthcare professionals there? Nope, the caller was insistent that if anything should happen to them, they won't be able to get help. So I directed them to the mySejahtera Helpdesk app and told them to follow the steps there to reschedule. Then they said, "Oh, I already called the Vaccination HQ. No one is answering the phone..." Do you realize how many people are calling in? Try your Helpdesk, it may help. The caller doesn't sound convinced but they took my advice anyway.
There's also another one that sounded really weird. They said they are diabetic, so we recommend them to see an endocrinologist, but then they said something that went along the lines of, "Can I ask if diabetic is reversible? If keto diet works, and if I do it, will it reverse the effect?" Jesus, Mary and Joseph (Thanks Meg Cabot) I called up my specialists to find out if this is true or not. It's not. I know someone well who does keto diet, but even then they did it under the recommendation of a specialist, and it's not entirely healthy to do it on the long run, and you still need carbs as well. You can't eliminate carbs fully. In fact, during the weekends, they allow themselves to cheat, meaning they can have some carbs but during the weekdays it is back to keto. I did it once for three months, except I eliminated carbs fully and only took steamed fish and vegetables. Yeah, the weight did drop, but then I gained back all the weight within weeks, not to mention I was miserable. Now I exercise whenever I can, and limit my food intake. My weight didn't go up drastically (I lost them due to work stress and eating instant ramen, tea and water - Not healthy, don't do it) and I still get to eat what I liked, except in limited amounts.
A lot of fake news are circulating again. Maybe it's because there's tons of free times or people just can't be bothered to fact check. I saw a sad news where a local owner had to file a report as there were fake news circulating around and it was affecting their business. All these small, local business are already struggling to make ends meet and people are just nonchalantly spreading news without fact checking. Some people think it is funny, but it's damaging their business. You can see why I don't engage much and turn off my phone notifications during long breaks, because I can't stand people bombarding me with constant news everyday...
Hooray. Bookshops are finally open. I can go and get sketchbooks, foam and matte boards, maybe a metallic topper or two for my art? The possibility is endless. I stopped drawing for two years because I felt discouraged, and due to writing novels at the time, but ever since the pandemic, I started doing some sketches again, then I got friends who asked me to upload to Instagram. So far I did put out a few pieces, mainly black and white sketches and some coloured pictures, not that great, but it made some people happy looking at them. I've been mainly using 48 piece Aicrane water brushes pen, the quality is alright for something from China, and the way they package stuff are excellent.
Can't do anything till office hours starts, so in between while waiting, we got plenty of calls regarding covid admissions, and we have to slot them in waiting lists because everywhere is full again. Of course I got the usual sarcastic answers: "You mean everywhere is full?" Well...yes, if you have been keeping up the recent news and seen the state we're in, you'll know the whole country hospitals are congested and overflooded with covid cases, with not enough manpower to handle the critical cases. And most cases that called us are already borderline, meaning even though they are well, anytime they can deteriorate, so we need HDU/ CCU beds ready, but the problem is...No critical beds. Sigh...
When you're in this line for so long, more or less based on the medical history, you know what to expect. If anyone mentions their three keys: Hypertension, Diabetes, Cardiac Problems (Heart Diseases), you already know that the case is already 50-50, meaning better get those critical beds ready. Shortness of breath, chest tightness, difficulty in breathing, heart attack... 999 or head to the nearest government department immediately! Asthma, depend whether it is under medication or control or not. Even then, always prepare for the worst.
Cases are still hitting high, it's so terrifying. but I'm happy I managed to run to the grocer's to get my ramen, because next week I'm going to be doing 4 nights, so I'm terrified if I'm going to get pressed by difficult people. I sincerely hope not, because night time...insufficient backup. If there's an emergency...Then we're doomed.
Oh hooray, Doctor, you got a sponsor at last, besides the coffee. By the way, did you manage to get your Gardenia sponsorship and your 20 loaves of bread? :D
Not on duty, but I'm heading back to work tomorrow.
These lockdown diaries, besides writing, drawing, reading and listening to music is probably the one thing that are keeping me sane, trust me, it's best to keep the mind occupied.
I heard from others that our lockdown will be lifted on the 14th, but I don't think so. Our government already stated several times: "As long as the cases do not go below 4,000, then the lockdown will continue." Aye, I don't think it's going to go below 4,000 within these few days, not unless there is a miracle.
People often teased me for being an old soul. In a way, I guess I am. I used to care a lot what people would think of me. I used to be ashamed that I am an independent/ freelance writer, that I am a failure, and I got the rejection letters and ignored query letters to prove it (Most are very kind though, they thank me for my emails and said my books aren't right for them), and a nurse. This is true, especially during events and gatherings when people ask me what I do for a living. Whenever I replied what I work as, I tend to get looked down on. Mainly because people treat nurses almost like a maid, sad but true. If you look back at my old posts, I never shied away from the things I used to encounter back in the wards, even back when I was a student nurse. I had people boasting to me that it's easy to administer an injection, to dress a wound, to handle difficult patients, write reports... If that's the case, then why didn't everyone just become a nurse? Why are there still a huge shortage of us? Especially during this dire times where retired healthcare workers came stepping up to fight the pandemic.
Although I'm no longer at the frontlines, dealing with patients and doctors directly, and has been shifted to admin support side, I never once took nursing for granted. Going through those three years are rough, not to mention we have to learn every single thing about the human body before going into diseases and illnesses, and we were also taught basic psychology and effective communications. It may seem simple, but until you try to apply it in real life, then you'll know that it's not as straightforward as you think. You never know when you are going to encounter a difficult person, how we have to put on a brave front in front of grieving families, how we have to take the verbal abuses from nasty patients and doctors alike (sometimes from co-workers who dislikes you), how we had been physically assaulted by patients (In my experience, no less than double digits, mainly in the wards, it's terrifying for sure.) It's not something that a textbook can teach you to be honest. All it does is teaches you the fundamentals, but the rest of it, you learn as you go.
Of course not everything is terrible. I have encountered good people as well. It doesn't matter if it's a small gesture or something as simple helping the patients, the moment when they say "Thank you for your help" That is when we feel good, as simple as that. Even back in the days when I used to bring the patients for little walks via wheelchairs, they are happy for that gesture, because sometimes they stayed cooped up in their room all the time. It's nice to get out of the room once in a while.
Regarding my current job, although I'm no longer upfront, the phone calls and enquiries I tend to get is seriously...weird and interesting...if you could put it that way. At the moment the Interesting Phone Calls I received is on hold due to the Lockdown Diaries, but if you look through them, you could see how my current job forces me to be alert and focused, because not to exaggerate, due to the pandemic, I've been getting a lot of calls and enquiries seeking for mental help. It's sad when you get calls hearing how someone is cheating in a relationship, or someone planned to end their life, planning for abortion, people demand for compensation... People tend to lash out at us, thinking we are lucky that we have a stable job. Truth is, all of us are struggling. Just because we don't say it doesn't mean we aren't. Who isn't struggling during the pandemic? Everyone is, I wrote an essay regarding about it and even compared our situation to the Lord of the Flies.
I think it's high time I throw in some things to be grateful for:
1) I've been putting effort into keeping myself healthy due to my 'old lady' bones by doing cardio on the treadmill (slanted). (Bonus: I've been wrapping pair of 2kgs weights around my upper limbs, last week I decided to step up and added another pair of 2kg weights around my lower limbs, and even though it was initially hard and I struggled, I managed to do it for 20 minutes)
2) I used to be awful at planking, after some encouragement from friends, I managed to do it for a minute without shaking. It's good for core exercise because the physiotherapist told me most people actually have a weak core, and it's good to build it up, especially if you are going to carry heavy patients. I'm not allowed due to above mentioned condition, but I do it for the sake of health. And I use this song, because it's exactly a minute-ish. 41-What?-FFVI OST ("Oh hey, the stove has been acting funny again.")
3) Despite the fact that the bad tend to outshine the good many times, I'm grateful that I have a stable job and am able to continue doing what I love as a passion, whether it be writing, drawing or just doing DIY crafts. Besides, I have friends and closed ones who have told me, no matter what happens, always have a stable job at hand, and do not rely mainly on my books for income, because let's face it, not many people read nowadays. People love audiobooks.
4) I know it may seem a little silly, but I'm glad I managed to pick up a lot of hobbies during the pandemic, that way I often have things to do instead of idling around. Besides, I discovered tons of great music. I really want to make Cookies n Cream ice cream but I can't go out because nearby the bakery supplies shop is the CAC.
5) True I do not socialize much, but I have friends who keep me in check and often are there for me whenever I feel like I'm breaking.
Not on duty, and the cases are still high. Regarding this post, this is going to be slightly different, and I hope I won't have to write something like this again...
Just read a news regarding someone being selfish (I did say I'm limiting social media during my off days because it's stressing me out). They went for covid screening and they were tested positive (Granted they found out later, but how many times have we advised you, once you did your covid test, sit quietly at home, isolate yourself and wait for your results. The only time you are allowed to come is if you are experiencing any severe symptoms such as myocardial infarction (Heart attack), difficulty in breathing, chest tightness, shortness of breath... Life threatening symptoms, then yes, you are allowed to run out, because it's between life and death) yet they still went for their vaccination. And I'm sorry, I agree with the health personnel who was furious. This is one of the main reasons why our cases will never go down, because if people are just going to be ignorant, then it's difficult to suppress the case down. No, you won't miss your vaccine appointment, but you need to update in your mySejahtera app, that way you will get another appointment arranged by the government. Don't take things lightly.
Sigh, seeing the hate on the internet really made me sad. You know, I might as well just admit it now. I have severe social anxiety (This is why I don't engage much nor do I have a lot of social media accounts) - Funny, isn't it, that I'm working in this line of job - But I managed to pluck up the courage to several people whom I admired. Before you say entitlement, let me tell you I went into this with no expectations of a reply, I understand that they are all famous and that they get tons of emails/ messages everyday, so I usually accept that I won't get reply, seeing that my emails or messages will get buried beneath the thousands and thousands of emails/ messages coming in. There are the few who actually took the time to reply (personally, I might add, not through their PR assistant (If they have any)):
I did my college assignment about her, she's very kind, and she helped me provided several details about herself and regarding her upcoming works. I used to draw several arts for her characters as well (with my mediocre drawing and all). I was on deadline for my assignment, yet she gave me several pages of details about herself and I managed to complete my assignment on time, and scored a good mark. I don't write to her as often as before because now she's going through several things in life. I actually do plan to write to her again one day because I want to use one of my favourite paragraph(s) from her book, but since that book is not coming out yet, I'm not going to approach her till I have everything ready. She has been getting a lot of pressure from the net demanding her to release her last Night World book: Strange Fate, which was originally supposed to be released back in the 90's. May I remind you she nearly lost her life due to granulomatosis with polyangiitis. Let her release it at her own pace.
At that time, I was hunting high and low for one of his hard to find, out of print book. I usually don't disturb authors regarding these type of things. You can thank my sister for this one. At the time I do not know anything much about getting books online, so my sister said, "Why don't you write to the author directly and see if he has any copies left?" I wrote with little regards to it, because I thought he's a famous author, why would he reply to little old me who was hunting for one of his now rare to find books? Imagine my surprise I got a reply from the man himself few days later where he thanked me for the email and apologized, that he does not have any copies left. Fun fact: His books are notoriously hard to find, you can only get them in the UK. I just checked his website that his last Alex Verus book is coming out in November. I managed to get two of his books second-handed from Books n Bobs, but I hope he can release a box set. I would love to try reading the Alex Verus series from the beginning till the end, it looks fun. *I got the book in the end thanks to my friend who was studying in the UK and they ordered it through online. Thanks so much, you have no idea how much I'm grateful for your help.
She has helped me tremendously a lot regarding other platforms, I mainly only used lulu.com as recommended by a friend. I found her completely by accident where she make really good, in-depth dives regarding the Fifty Shades trilogy, which you can read here (Jealous Hater Book Club). Bless her for going through the books, because I seriously needed to bleach my brain after what I have read, yet she takes the time to go through each chapter and dissect them thoroughly. She introduced me to erotica where she shows how BDSM should be conducted (WITH CONSENT), how you can write a good erotica novel with proper research. It doesn't have to be overboard, she just put in the fundamentals on how BDSM works in real life. I hopped onto Amazon Kindle - At that time, lulu was being funny, and interacting with some writers online, most of the advice I was given was to go to Amazon, it's all good now - because I saw she has her books there, along with Barnes & Nobles and Smashwords. The problem is....I can't seem to put my book(s) for free. I reached out to her through FB, and she gave me some solid advice, on how I should put the book(s) on multiple platforms like B&N and Smashwords, knock it down to zero, then approach Amazon. Unfortunately, despite my several requests, they denied it because they said my country is not recognized, even though I gave proof that some of my books are free on other platforms. The most I could do was knock it down was to 99 cents, and I still feel bad, because I'm charging a 80-ish page novella. So far, only lulu and Smashwords allow me to put book(s) there for free (I can't make it into the Smashwords premium picks catalog due to some formatting issue, but I followed the guidelines to get it into their site, at least...) Congratulations Jenny for writing the final book in the Boss series, I hope I can finish my writing this year as well and her books can be released as box sets or I'm able to get them here, because they are only sold in the States *gulp, shipping fees*
One of these things is not like the others. All jokes aside, I watched him around 2016 because of his artistry. You can't deny it, the man has talent. Check out his music, they are quite nice to listen to (And that's saying something since most of my songs are from oldies till early 2000's) Then all hell broke loose and no, I did not join the hate mob. I just back away quietly, and feel disappointed. Come around quarantine period, his videos came back onto my recommendation, and so I went back to watch his old content. I'll say it, he made poor choices, but constantly beating him down is pretty much like beating a dead horse to death at this point. Yes, he messed up, but so did I. I know someone who would never let me forget it that I made a small mistake (You can find it in one of the Lockdown Diaries.) I messed up a lot in real life as well, but as my doctor mentioned, "Failure is important as well, because otherwise how would you get the chance to grow?" At that time I didn't understand what my doctor meant, but I get it as I aged. When you make mistakes in life, you learn from it, grow from it and try not to make the same thing again. People seemed to judge him so harshly in the comments (In fact, don't read the comments. Some are just outright nasty) but can you tell me with a straight face, that you have never once messed up in your life? I messed up a lot in real life, fortunately for me, I don't have people monitoring my every move. It's unfortunate that he is an online content creator, because everyone gets to see his every move, and it's tiring. I said it before briefly, but I'll say it again: I admire him for moving forward despite all the hate he's getting. I admire that he does everything on his own, the music production he does? The music videos? The content he creates that we all enjoy freely? All done by him and funded out of his own pocket, unless otherwise stated like the mixing/ mastering and some artworks. He is basically a one man army. Sir, you earned my respect and support. I don't have other medias besides FB and Instagram, but one time I was floating around Twitter (good ol' Khairy) and I saw him tweet about something. I don't know what got into me, but I wrote a long message of support to him which was read, no reply. I accepted it, I don't expect any reply, then come one day I was nearly screaming internally at work due to some difficult patients, and he uploaded a music video of an acapella cover, and I wrote to him to thank him for making me laugh (It was pretty funny to be honest, but the song is nice as well) and asked him to take care of himself. I was surprised that I got a reply. It just shows that not everything is black and white, and working in this line, you often have to listen to both sides of the stories in an unbiased way, especially in my current job, because the phone calls and enquiries I received tend to be quite...interesting at times. This is one thing I learnt from my old boss, but at the end of the day as well, there is always some information withheld which we will never know. People always tend to paint themselves as the heroes of the stories, no one is going to say that they are the villains.
*I know a lot of people are mad at him for his dark humour, but I would say don't take it too seriously (nor personally, unless you happen to know him in real life?). I know people (mainly doctors) plus myself included who make a lot of gallows humour as well, it's a coping mechanism. Not a good one, but working in healthcare for so long...You tend to make a lot of dark jokes to cope during stressful times, especially during the pandemic.*
In conclusion, you don't like someone, don't engage, back off quietly. I have seen some authors and content creators behave really badly, I just stop supporting their content. You like their content? Then continue supporting them. Sending death threats, leaving hate messages and comments isn't going to help. What comes around, goes around. One day when someone does that to you in real life, then maybe you will know how the person of the receiving end feels.
That's pretty much it for this post. Thank God I got this off my chest, because I'm tired. I saw a lot of my friends getting their vaccination appointments, great. Go, full speed ahead, and wear black during your photoshoot if you can to help our contract medical officers.
Reminds me of the tongue twisters I used to do in Japanese classes. 生麦生米生卵 (なま むぎなまごめなまたまご) / 丹羽の庭には二羽鶏俄にワニを食べた (にわのにわにはにわにわとりにわかにわにをたべた) <-- I hate this one (大嫌いです), my sensei taught me the shorter version and it's still hard: 庭には二羽鶏がいる (にわにはにわにわとりがいる)
What would I do to get some McDonald's right now... But I can't risk going out. Everywhere we go, there's a chance of getting yellow or red coded, and none of us can afford getting yellow or red because otherwise we are not permitted to enter the workplace, not to mention if you happen to have Miss Rona, most insurance are not covering for treatment, not to mention all hospitals are congested right now. Seeing the videos of the doctors, nurses and the healthcare workers mentally burnout is heartbreaking.
I've attended an Instagram live, it was fun, but till this day I still see people 'vaccine shopping', and believe it or not, there are still some anti-vaxxers out there. The highlight of the live was what I've been saying all along. If you got your vaccine date, go for it. Stop dilly-dallying, stop making unnecessary cancellation unless it is needed. And I agree, better to get yourself vaccinated for a layer of protection rather than none at all.
Good thing I have tons of art blocks left, I ran out of sketchbooks so now I'm cutting my art blocks into sketchbook sizes. I saw there's a wide variety of choice online, but I don't want to buy online, because sometimes you need to go to the shop physically to feel it because you will be the one filling in the sketchbook, and I know some people like those spiral bound types, or the leather bound types, for me I prefer old school, the type that you can tear off easily once you're done because for my favourite art pieces, I store them into my art file so that I'm able to look through.
Once my new books come (Should be anytime because I'm giving it a month plus due to Miss Rona impacting on delivery services and time), I'm excited to take photos to share them. Problem is I may need another black matte board, and bookshops are non-essential. Again, yes, I know you can get them online, but you need to get the feel of it and get it base on the size you want. I tend to get large boards because that way I don't have to adjust the background too much. Just place some black matte boards around, put some nice seashells or little trinkets and there you have it... You don't need something extremely over the top, just some nice shots will do. I got a friend who keep plain cloth mainly for this purpose, I'm supposed to get some from Nagoya Textiles, but fabrics are troublesome to store. Matte boards are easy, I can just tuck it into a discreet corner where I store most of the things I need for artsy stuff.
Here's a quick little sketch I did few days ago....
I haven't even realized how fast time has passed. Just like that, 6 more months and we are heading into the new year, and we're still getting astronomical cases... You know, Miss Rona is going to be hanging around with us for probably 4 years, and I accepted I won't be able to travel overseas lest I accidently spread the infection around, even though I already have my double doses. Just because you have your double doses doesn't mean you can throw all caution into the wind. Practice your SOP, wash your hands, wear your masks. Stay safe.
*Today's case: 9,105 (Good grief, we are in a pinch)
Not on duty, let me fulfil my dream of being a sushi roll or a worm.
The last few days has been really depressing, I went to my FB and Instagram and cleared out a whole lot of junk, it felt good. My doctor told me to stay away from social media but I'm sure they will agree with me clearing out all the junk before logging off, it's not that I hated people, some of the accounts are inactive accounts, and some are people who I'm not sure why I added them. On Insta, I followed mainly indie artists/ writers/ musicians/ comedians, indie business (mainly bookshops and eateries), pet adoption centres, pet shops, some vintage furniture shops, close friends and dogs. I used to follow commentary and some beauty there but I cleared them out because it's giving me really bad anxiety. No hate, during the pandemic, the commentary and beauty side had helped fill up my days, but recently it has became like an out of control fire, so I'm just clearing them out, but I thank them sincerely for making me happy at a time. Sorry if the last few days I have been weird, I'm trying to make this a light-hearted post. Boy, oh boy, I'm so tempted to order ice cream, but it's pricey, and for less than 500ml, I can eat finish in a single setting, but I know the owner, we're friends, and during the MCO, I ordered a lot of their ice cream to support them, it's just that this round with money being extremely tight. and who knows when the lockdown will be lifted?
None of us dared to go out anymore, cases are reaching astronomical rate, so like Dr Jason Leong mentioned in his song, most of us are probably resorting to eating Maggi noodles. I was talking to my doctors and you know, most of us just eat whatever we have on hand, not to the point of instant noodles, but of course, most of us Asian households definitely have Maggi noodles on hand for a rainy day. Since I'm now watching my weight due to health issues, I'm doing intermittent fasting since the beginning of the first lockdown. Usually I take something light, and I drink plenty of water and tea. Occasionally I used to cheat by taking iced peach tea, chocolates or chips, but since I haven't been to the grocer's for a long while, I can't get any of my guilty pleasures, which is probably a good thing as well.
The month of July seemed to be throwing tons of new movies at us. Fast and Furious 9, Black Widow, I heard the latest Spider Man is also coming near the end of the year. As fun as it is, I really do not want to go to the movies due to the pandemic, and I do not want to pay for subscriptions because I don't really watch a whole lot of stuff, and it's a waste of money. My sister gotten me a Disney+ subscription (I begged her not to, but apparently she got a free offer), which I have never used, because seriously, I'm busy writing and doing my stuff. The most I could do was hop on to my music files and let everything play on there. And there's no point in getting a Netflix because the only show(s) I would watch are Wanda Sykes, Fluffy (Gabriel Iglesias), Jeff Dunham and Dr Jason Leong Hashtag Blessed. Yeah, I know my life is boring.
It's a good thing I ordered my books early from overseas, because a lot of places are now under lockdown, so some overseas orders are on hold. I usually order from Book Depository and my local indie bookshop. The owner and I have known each other for years now, and it's very sad to see some people ridiculing them on the delivery date because they are running the business alone to save cost and prevent the virus from spreading, not to mention that they know very well that the owner is working alone, and they have huge surge of orders coming in each day during the MCO period because people are finally finding time to sit down and read, yet they throw tantrums and demand for unrealistic expectations. I ordered a Shadowhunters tarot deck from them, and I paid cash upfront, and guess how long it took? 2 whole years. I'm not kidding, I never threw tantrum at them, I just patiently waited, and at that time I ordered the tarot deck because I was going to write a little about someone who does cartomancy, and usually if I'm going to write about certain things, I try to get the object to get the feel of it. I do not do tarot card readings in real life, nor am I an expert in it. I just used a little basic guide to tarot card reading and just write a little about it. Good thing I do not need to get an Ouija board, because it's pretty straight forward (I watched a lot of movies and series regarding it), and honest to God, don't simply get occult things into your house. My friends were convinced I see things since I deal with lives, but I can assure you I do not see things, although I heard from others that they could...
It's certainly hard to get inspiration these days due to the state of the world we live in, but it's okay. Art takes time, don't force it. It's like Roald Dahl said: You can try writing at least a hundred words a day to get those gears moving, or you can use Uncle Steve's method: Imagine your art as a fossil, and it's your job to chip at it away to uncover the art beneath. Or you can consider the method I'm doing now, during the duration of the lockdown, challenge yourself to write a post (or something artsy) every day till it ends (Who knows when? But I'll keep thinking of something to write)
Not working today, so I'm going to focus on editing my manuscript, do some sketches, and listen to music. Something has been going funny with my blogspot, cause whenever I try to use my main writing lappy to put in the final touches while typing, it tends to disappear, I often have to use my old lappy to type which is a little awkward due to my setup, but I don't mind. It's just that I like keeping one laptop mainly for writing, whereas my old lappy, I use it mainly to on music or movies to act as background noise,
I'm trying to get away from social media, because it's stressing me out, and the last few days had been depressing. At times I was so tempted to just hit the delete button, but then again, that's how I've been keeping touch with my friends who are abroad, so it's here to stay. So I usually just scroll through, leave some messages and get off.
I forgot to mention, the last few days I feel so tired, because I received phone calls regarding people wanting to slot in their names into the backup list, and I give the usual answer, that our government is the one who controls the back up list, that we have no say. What makes me sad was these people can tell me this: "Oh, I originally had my appointment in June, but my close one is coming here in July, so I cancelled my appointment to follow them. I hope you can help slot me into your list." Why? WHY??? I already advised so many times: DO NOT CHANGE YOUR VACCINATION APPOINTMENTS UNNECESSARILY.You gone through so many hurdles and obstacles to get that appointment, and you changed it for something so unnecessary. If it's unfortunate, like something beyond control, and you are forced to change it, then yes, you have to. The person then went on to say: "I wanted to follow my close one who is coming here, I thought you all could help slot me in the waiting list." For goodness sake, you got the vaccine right in front of you and you let it go, just like that. I gave them the centre number and told them they may try to appeal.
My dad also encountered someone like that, he mentioned briefly that he was attending this case, and the person said chirpily that they came for the procedure, that they cancelled their vaccination appointment for this. Noooooooooo. The staffs were all telling them that they should have gone for the vaccine and postpone the procedure a day or two. The procedure wasn't even life threatening. Lord.
Due to the constant state of the economy, I'm putting out e-books at the moment, if someone wants a physical copy, then maybe I'll think about it. At the moment, the only physical copies I have of my books are Seeing Red (not one of my best works to be honest), because for some strange reasons, people like that book. Not sure why, I wrote it in a state because I have to meet a deadline, but people liked it. That's nice, I'm glad there are people out there who enjoyed it.
Remember what the doctors mentioned about Miss Rona is here to stay. Yeah, Miss Rona is definitely staying for a long while, so we're going to have to embrace the new normal, whether we like it or not, and if you are going for your vaccine, get it. If you think you may be allergic to certain ingredients in the drug, go to your local physician and ask for a pre-screening. If you need help, look to Facebook, there are now several food banks community and there are helplines there for you to get the help you need.
Not working, on annual leave. Great, because I feel like my brain had turned to mush. So I recently created a few social media to join a discussion page, and it really made me feel awkward, because...I don't really use social media much. I only kept two (mainly for art, dogs, books, food - I used to keep a DeviantArt, but I lost my password and looking back it, I'm cringing at my young self) and this blog (Zoinks, I saw my profile was back in 2008. Good God, but I did deleted several blogs before keeping this one) Social media...is not really my thing. I don't really interact much. I used to, but seeing how scary the world wide web can be has made me lock the doors and throw away the key.
I was a naive fool back then. I thought writing a book would be easy. Just write a book, go through spell checks and grammar checks, slap a cover and we're done... This is just my experience as each writer goes through their journey differently.
I had no idea about formatting the manuscript to make sure it looks neat and tidy, hence why I often cringe at my first few books, because I have no idea that there's a way to tidy up the format. It's something I learnt as I go along, and thank God for Youtube. I used Microsoft 2016 previously, but now I have a lappy specifically for writing only, so I spent a bomb on getting a fully licensed Microsoft 2020 because due to recent event, I now have PTSD regarding my manuscript being corrupted...If you are serious in writing, even if you're on a budget, consider getting a fully licensed Microsoft product because you seriously do need it, plus you don't need to renew it every year, it's a one-off.
This is basic knowledge. Doesn't matter how good your manuscript is, please make sure to check for spelling errors and grammars. No one expect fancy stuff, but please don't submit a manuscript full of typos, because if the editor/ agent can see it, imagine how the public will feel... My grammar is not that great, countless of English classes and my lecturers and teachers always tell me how my grammar is poor, but I thank them because they taught me a lot on the importance of these two. I also did editing for my own manuscripts and I help friends on editing as well... This is why you need to proofread your own works, and if you got friends who are expert in English (or whichever language you are writing), you can ask them to beta read your books. It's fun, win-win situation, and it's always nice to share your works with your friends, and they act as extra pair of eyes to check on your typos and grammar.
First and foremost, I'm a nurse, before this I dabbled in accounts, so I can tell you right now I have no experience in graphic design (my art skills are pretty basic) on making an aesthetically pretty book cover. What I did last time was I draw rough outlines of the cover, and I pass it to my cover artist (who has been with me since the beginning) who will digitally draw it in their PC, because...technophobe here. The only exception where I did do the covers are because during those periods, they were swamped with personal errands and work, so that time I took it upon myself to create basic, simple covers which has meaning, and I pass it to them for approval. For banner and book cover designs, I used Canva, which is user-friendly and easy to use, and it's free. The only time where you need to pay is if you want to use premium designs. If you think you need those premium designs, you may consider paying, but I've been using the free designs and they are awesome. You got to make do with what you have.
Once you write your manuscripts, what do you usually do? Two routes here: Traditional or self-publishing. Traditional route means going through an agent or a publishing house. Most cases they require you to to write a query letter, briefly describing about yourself and your books, and most major publishing houses requires you to get an agent. And it's also important to get an agent, because literary agents usually will help you to negotiate better deals, go through the literary clauses and make sure you are not getting swindled. Some publishing houses don't mind you submitting to them straight, but it's best to go through an agent if you can. The main reason why people go for the traditional publishing route is because your job is mainly to write the manuscript, proofread it, check for basic typos and errors, and don't forget your deadline.
I'll focus more on self-publishing since I went that route. Self-publishing means you do everything on your own, and I do mean everything. You have to do the editing, cover, printing, basically everything. It's mentally draining to do everything on your own, not to mention I have zero experience in publishing, I got friends who were based overseas who helped me get to the self-publishing route which doesn't cost much, but you're going to have to use whatever resources you have. I gotten friends to help with book cover designs, being my beta-readers (Their command of English is much better than mine) and I found a kind, printing person who was recommended by a doctor, who charges me reasonably and taught me the importance of protecting your rights, meaning, going through Perpustakaan Negera Malaysia to get an indie publishing license and ISBN (Super important!) Oh, you can't use other countries ISBN with another, you have to apply for the specific country, and once you got your ISBN, for physical copies you need to submit FIVE copies of your books to the library; for E-book, you have to submit TWO CDs with your manuscript burned into the disc, otherwise you risk getting fined. All these rules can be found on the library website.
That's more or less about it. This is a field where not many people dabble into and it has been a ride. It was mentally draining, exhausting, and at times, lonely (Because most writers have to navigate alone unless you're lucky to have met the right people at the right time), but it taught me a lot, that writing a book is just a small part of the writer's world. Taking on multiple roles also taught me to understand each person's roles as well, from the editing, formatting, cover designing. One thing I could never grasp is marketing, because I'm not the type who could shove things to people's face, and I do not have charisma. Marketing is something that can't be taught, and you need to be driven, which...I'm guess I'm not.
Anyway, glad to know Dr Jason had posted this because I needed a good laugh.
Oh Doctor, you never fail to make me laugh... XD Actually I don't think your singing is bad at all. You did well. Now I'm going to be dancing to this. And thank you for reminding me to check my wallet... Ever since I recovered from pneumonia, I could never hit high or low notes, but I can sing alright... Japanese or English songs for me please...Let's karaoke.
Source: Waiting For Anwar, published by Jason Leong, premiered 26th September 2020.
Morning shift, time to pick up where we left off, but first, hor fun soup...
Today isn't too bad, I had a nice long conversation with a doctor. I mentioned to them recently I've been thinking of doing freelancing editing but I don't feel like charging, due to hard times and because...I don't know, I just don't think I'm alright for the job. They told firmly, "You've been writing books for a long time, and you have been knocking down your book prices so cheaply (The local books I have in stock, not the US-based books). Isn't it time for you to start charging a little bit for the effort you have put into?" I know, it's like a relative of mine who charges high prices for their handcraft work. It's not about the materials they have explained to me, it's the effort. For example, a cloth bag pack made from scratch would cost high due to the duration and service it cost to make, roughly six months. It's the same reason why luxury goods like Gucci and LV are ridiculously high, because there's only one craftsman who will create that particular piece. Once it's gone, it's gone. They mentioned it's a little the doctor's side as well, it's not about feeling bad, sometimes you need to recognize your worth, and I've been writing since 2008, but I self-published in 2012 because at that time, resources are extremely limited and I have no experience in publishing. You know what's tomorrow topic going to be...
No beds again, so strike hard and fast, meaning if it's a good case, to the waiting list. Not good cases, call 999 or head to the nearest government hospital emergency department. Do not delay, just hurry up and get help, please.
I'm sincerely tired, because I gotten yelled, screamed at just because I can't meet demands. I'm sorry, I'm sorry that we don't have enough beds to accommodate everyone, I'm sorry that we can't take heavy cases due to the fact that everywhere the ICU beds are at maximum capacity. I can't tell you how many times I have to apologize because we can't take the cases in. It's pretty much a fight for survival now. There's nothing much we can do anymore, and once again, don't depend fully on your health insurance. It's hard to claim fully back, I once had to go back and forth regarding a claim, trust me, it takes a toll on the mental health, I was willing to throw the amount to clear off my debt but my doctor was willing to fight for me to get full coverage, which I'm grateful.
You know I screwed up a lot of times, and I tend to beat myself down a lot, and my doctor told me it's high time to recognize my self-worth. This is why I pity the artist I admired, because everything he does, people tend to bash him. At the same time, I respect him as a small, indie writer (me) to a huge content creator, because he kept going despite all the hardships. So, kudos to you, sir, you keep doing you. I enjoyed your music, they kept me going during my lowest lows and night shifts.
Sorry this post is a little short. I'm really tired, and I'm feeling down. Tomorrow I'll be off duty, so at least I'll get to edit my manuscript while turning up the volume of my favourite music.
*Today's case: 7,097 (A friend of mine joked there's a lot of 7s. 7,777? I'm joking...)
