Injustice and Arrogance

But the stars that marked our starting fall away.

We must go deeper into greater pain,

for it is not permitted that we stay.

- Inferno, Dante Alighieri 

16th August (Tuesday) - "Define crazy patients." My relative snapped at me.
I felt my stomach tighten because this is usually how she asks things. With her chin high and her eyes laser pointing at you. I wish they would stop asking about my job, because I know that I'll never be on par with their doctorate titles, but they didn't have to snub me for my nursing job.
So I stuttered slightly, "Well, I was working with a haematlogist-"
"How dare you call the patients crazy. They are all cancer patients with leukemia, lymphoma and thalassemia major, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Snapping back at them like that."
Let me tell you I had to excused myself and lock myself in the washroom and cried. Because only my work colleagues know how the patients are. I haven't yet encountered cancer patients except in the medical oncology side, but the haematologist side so far only have blood monitoring and blood transfusions to be done in the daycare or ward. Yet, as you can see on the above conversation, I was rudely cut off and was berated for being... rude to my patients. I had never once fight with my patients, because there's no point in fighting with them. You can fight with them and win the battle, but the cost? Your name and image will get tarnished and smeared in black. By not fighting back, you actually win the battle. Do you know? You lose nothing, you gain nothing, but you did not lose your level to sink down low to their level. And that's a win for me.
So yeah, after I came out of the crying phrase, my other relative, kinder than the first asked me, "You're still in a clinic, right?" And I said yes. Then he told her, "You see, she's only in a clinic, not the ward for crying out loud. But why did you say that they were crazy?"
So I explained. That the haematologist doctor I was covering has certain strict flow to follow, and he's always in a hurry. He often give his patients a fixed time and they have to make it before half time, because that's when he will run off to another clinic. There were patients who are regulars of his, yet they don't follow the rules, walking in late, never doing their blood tests, demanding for MCs despite having a minor problem, in short, pissing him off. And my relative, the one who snubbed me, did not apologize, but just huffed, thinking that I am an incompetent nurse. I know I'll never be on par with doctors, but deep down, I know how I treated my patients, and that's good enough. Because some people will never see things past the surface.
So I was assigned to another doctor, and I really, really dislike his patient. The first patient registered quite early and came up to me. She was pleasant enough, pretty young lady in casual clothes. She passed me an MC slip and said the date was wrong. Since I did not know the story behind I asked her for the whole thing. The date was supposed to be July, but was instead written as June, so I told her politely to have a seat while we wait for doctor to come in.
The phone rang and it was the previous girl who took care of the clinic. She asked me whether that patient had arrived and had she really made a mistake in the MC, so I told her yes and that I'll get doctor to fix it. The patient, I think must have misunderstood because next thing I know, she was yelling at me with all sorts of words. (Edited slightly for confidential purpose, the real thing is worse, hundred times worse)
"YOU BLOODY SHUT THE HELL UP RIGHT NOW! I'M REALLY NOT FEELING WELL AND YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST SNUB ME?! I HAD BEEN ACCUSED OF TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY MEDICAL LEAVES AND I DO NOT! I AM A PHYSICIAN, A SPECIALIST, SO I BLOODY DEMAND THE SAME RESPECT FROM YOU LIKE HOW YOU NORMALLY TREAT YOUR PATIENTS! SO SHUT THE HELL UP AND GIVE ME WHAT I WANT, OR I WILL TAKE YOUR NAME AND GIVE IT TO YOUR HEAD! YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW MY MEDICAL RIGHTS?!"
Oh. My. God. My ears were ringing from all that shouting. The girl, still on the line, immediately dropped the phone and came running to my aid. At the same time, some senior girls as well. And she was still yelling until the clinic at the either ends could actually hear every single word. And all the patients were staring as well. I was at a total lost because I had no idea what happened, and my mind was at a complete blank. The girls were trying to calm her down but she was still yelling at the top of her voice until the doctor came, and then she was all smiles. The girls managed to settled things for her, and the one who did the mistake apologized to her, but the patient coldly told her, "You are not fit to be a nurse." Ugh. Humans are imperfect, flawed beings. We do tend to do mistakes, but of course we try not to. I also did a mistake last year regarding the wrong date. But instead of shouting, the patient nicely said, "It's okay, please change the date so that I can claim my insurance." And voila, problem solved.
The most horrible thing was the patient had evidently complained about me to the doctor, because my head came down and asked me for the story. The good thing was she knew that I had just came in, so she said, "Don't worry. I'm not here to scold you. I just want to know the story." So I did my part, and I was off the hook. Because I had never assisted this doctor for a really long time, so how would I know what had happened previously. And the doctor I mentioned, he always takes the patients' side, never ours. My old doctor would listen to both sides, and if he thinks you are doing wrong, he won't report you to the head (unless it's a HUGE mistake), but he just said sternly, "Please don't do that ever again." If the patient is wrong, he won't lash out, but told them in a firm voice that they shouldn't come late and stuff. Why, oh why, did he have to listen to whatever things they twisted up with?
The girl in the neighbouring clinic came over when he wasn't in and told me that I wasn't the only one. The others who came before me suffered the same thing as well. Wrong date, wrong appointment, any tiny mistakes and the head will come and question you. Really, it's like being in a minefield, one wrong step and BOOM! to kingdom come.
People said he was kind cause he's always smiling, whereas another doctor was cold, arrogant and sarcastic. I rather be with a cold, sarcastic doctor with a kind heart tan once that smiles in front of me and then planned where to put the knives on my back. I assisted many doctors who people told me were loud, obnoxious, rude, sarcastic, mean and when I worked with them, I realized that they are really kind people, who often tries to help the patients in their needs. There are kind doctors with kind heart, I won't deny, and there are some who really just mean all the way through. Two sides of a coin, it's just whether I struck lucky or not.
That patient will be coming back for her next follow up. And I will still be polite to her, but the respect that I gave her, I'm taking it back. Treat me like trash and I'll still treat you the same as always, but my respect, you can't have it anymore.