Relief

Divine light pierces through the universe -

To be received, as fit, in all degrees -

in such a way that nothing can oppose.

 Canto 31, Paradiso

3rd December (Thursday) - "Girlie, you're reported to the Sister's room, now." The note says.
That's what greeted me when I first came by my department counter, scrawled in caps with blue ink.  
Oh Christ, Christ, Christ, what have I done now? What have I done? Did I do something bad??? Please don't tell me I  did something bad. I've been doing my best so far to meet up my competency but I couldn't fulfill the last two because those are only in the mornings, plus I have to run to two places, up and down. Ohhhh, what am I going to do?
With blood rushing in my ears and my heart thudding hard, I brought my competency sheets with me, swallowed the feeling of going into tears that I'm about to lose my job, I went into the Sister's room. I took a quick survey. She doesn't look mad, there's no I'm-about-to-break-you-the-bad-news kind of face, and the desk was empty. Please don't tell me I'm going to get thrown out.

 (This conversation is strictly edited for privacy and confidentiality reasons.)

Sister : How's your competency so far?
Me : (Stay calm, STAY CALM, don't show any weakness!!!!) Out of the five, I only managed to complete the ones in my current department.
Sister : What about the other two?
Me : Well, I'm often assisting Doctor So-and-So in the mornings, so I'm afraid I can't go up to find the procedures. And in the mornings, our department is full of injections, dressings, stitches to be removed and Plaster of Paris (POP) removal.
Sister : Tell me, how are you feeling now when you first started off here?
Me : (CALM, CALM, CALM!!!!) To be honest, when I first came here, I was a wreck. But now I feel that I can finally start to gain control of things.
Sister : How do you find Dr So-and-So so far?
Me : He's very kind and supportive. I like working with him very much.
Sister : I see. Well, you passed. Congratulations.
Me : Passed? (I don't remember sitting for a test.)
Sister : You are a confirmed staff.
Me : (WAIT, WHAT?!!!!!!) Confirmed? You mean permanent?
Sister : Welcome to the department. :)
Me : (The feelings that wrecked through my brain. Shock, disbelief, unbelieving, tears of joy, relief, grateful, ) W-Wow. Thank you.
Sister : Yes, it has been a hard journey for you, but you have passed through the first step, well done.

Can you believe it? All my life I thought I was a failure. I'm slow compared to others, and I can't handle overload work before I break down, I'm not the type to get noticed, but after going through the Seven Circles of Hell, I actually managed to pull through. What a shock. I nearly burst into tears right here and then, not tears of sadness, but happiness. Really? I didn't care about the bonus that was about to arrive, I actually cared more about keeping the job. Yes, that shows how crappy I am.
Only yesterday I was moaning to my psychiatrist and boss about my life going to be in ruins, but now it's as though a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I can finally be at peace and start all over again, as a full-time staff, not on probation.  
I would like to give thanks to my department colleagues who had been through with me throughout my crazy journey, my boss (Doctor So-and-So) for his support and understanding why sometimes I have to run out to the psychiatrist next door, my psychiatrist for being understanding and always telling me to take things easy instead of forcing myself, my Sisters for not giving up on me when I was a wreck, guiding me while giving me the push I needed to get through, my wonderful (not work-related) friends, local and international for bringing me out to the shopping complexes to loosen my stress, my dog Irie for loving me no matter what, and lastly to my family. You all had been so awesome throughout these months in my life, I can't give you all much but I will continue to work hard and the least I could do is dedicate and acknowledge you in my books.