Funny Moments I

20th August (Thursday) - Sorry for being on a long hiatus. Currently work is a little hectic due to lack of manpower, which means all of us have to work doubly, triple hard to keep our positions. And whatever free time I had after work, I channel it into my writing and drawing.
People often laugh at me for being in the outpatient department, but you'll be surprised how many dramas I had encountered for the past few months. I'll list out whatever I could remember. (Certain conversations are edited due to privacy and confidentiality.)

1. During dressing

Patient : Nurse, could you please go slow?
Me : Okay. How slow do you want?
Patient : Pain free as possible.
Me : Sir, you do know there will be a little pain.
Patient : Ahhhh, nurse, could you do me a favour and knock me out with those sedation stuff that they use on TVs?
Me : Sir, if I do that you'll most likely end up in Operating Theatre. And we're not allowed to administer them.
Patient : Oh...
Me : Please relax. There's nothing to worry about. I'll go extra slow if that's what you want...
Patient : Okay. AHHHHH. AHHHHH. OWWWW.
Me : Sir, sir, there's nothing much I need to do. Your wound is really clean, just a little blood, but no pus and dead skin. And I'm not pressing hard like you requested. I'm just using soak gauze to absorb the blood, see?
Patient : But it's painful...
Me : Of course it's a little painful, I'm using salt water. How did you get your injury anyway? Did you get a blister?
Patient : It was an infected wart.
Me : Oh... You know, when I used to practice karate, I had a lot of blisters too.
Patient : Oh my. Really?
Me : Uh huh.
Patient : Did you go for surgery?
Me : Ehhh, no. All I had to do was poke the water out and let the blister heal.
Patient : Did it hurt?
Me : Well, if you peel the skin, then yes. But somehow I feel as though I was walking on mushrooms.
Patient : Yeah, mushrooms. :D
Me : Okay, your gauze are all fixed and I tightened the bandage a little so that you don't have to worry about it coming loose. Remember not to get it wet when you shower.
Patient : Thank you. And... mushrooms.
Me : ^^

2. During STO

Patient : Hello, leng lui. (Pretty girl in Cantonese)
Me : Um, hello.
Patient : You Vietnam?
Me : Me, no.
Patient : China?
Me : No.
Patient : Singapore? Japan? Korea? Brunei?
Me : Nooooo.
Patient : Then what are you?
Me : Malaysian.
Patient : You're joking.
Me : No, I'm not. I'm a pure Malaysian.
Patient : You don't look Malaysian, girl.
Me : I get that a lot. (You will be surprised how many times I get asked this question over and over again)
Patient : So what are you going to do for me, leng lui?
Me : Remove your stitches, of course.
Patient : Can't I keep the stitches on?
Me : Sir, there's a risk of infection if you keep them on too long, and it's non-absorbable.
Patient : Please don't let it be painful.
Me : Don't worry sir, it'll be quick.

*Doctor came in, checked his post-stitches wound, and left*

Patient : That's it?
Me : Uh huh. That's it.
Patient : Are you married?
Me : Nooooo.
Patient : Boyfriend?
Me : Still single.
Patient : A pretty girl like you should get a doctor. They just come and go and money goes into their pocket, just like that.
Me : Sir, all the doctors here are old, and taken.
Patient : Can't be, girl. I met some young ones when I was in the ward. I'll pray that you find a nice doctor who'll appreciate you.
Me ; Uh, sir, I don't think I'll end up with a doctor.
Patient : Want me to find one handsome young one for you?
Me : Ummm, no thanks.

3. Taking care of a clinic

Patient came in late, doctor was not in his clinic.

Me : May I help you?
Patient : Yes, I got an appointment with Dr So-and-So.
Me : You do realize that you're an hour and forty five minutes late right?
Patient : No, I don't know.
Colleague : Had you done your blood test?
Patient : What blood test?
Colleague : The blood test that you need to do before seeing Dr So-and-So.
Patient : Don't know.
Colleague : *shoots me a look to stay quiet* When you discharge from the ward, did they give you a form for blood test on arrival?
Patient : Don't know.
Me : Which ward were you in, miss?
Patient : Don't know.
Colleague : *veins tightening* Okay, well, here's the form, now go and do the blood test at the lab. Hurry.
Patient : Okay.

After she had left and came back from the lab...

Colleague : Kiddo, call Dr So-and-So.
Me : Oh man, oh man, he's going to shoot us.
Colleague : You have to call him, otherwise he'll run off to Hospital A and then he'll go ballistic. Besides, it's the patient who came late.
Me : Ahhhhh.
Colleague : Come on, kiddo. Call him.
Me ; Okay, what's his phone number?
Colleague : Just call the operator and they'll connect you to his phone. Don't worry. Just listen to what I say. Hello, Dr, sorry to disturb you. Calling from your clinic, the patient just came and done her blood test. I'll let you know once the results are ready. Got it?
Me : Okay. Here goes. *After muttering our prayers, I dial the operator and got connected*

Me : H-Hello? Dr So-and-So?
Doctor : Yes? Yes? What is it?!
Me : Sorry to disturb you. Calling from your clinic, you got one more patient. Miss So-and-So, just came and just done her blood test-
Doctor : WHAT THE HELL?!!!!! WHY DID SHE COME SO LATE?!!! (At this point, I flinched away from the phone to let him yell out his anger. Once he had cooled down, I put the phone back to my ear) Alright, alright, I'll see her.
Me : I'll let you know once the results are ready.
Doctor : Fine! Fine! Goodbye!
Me : Thank you, doctor, goodbye.
Colleague : What did he say?
Me : What the hell...
Colleague : It could've been worst.
Me ; At least he isn't really shouting at me.
Colleague : True...

4. During registration...

Me : Good morning, sir. Which doctor are you looking for?
Patient : No idea. I just came for a scope
Me : Oh, you're under Doctor So-and-So. He's currently on leave.
Patient : I know.
Me : Did he refer you to any doctor?
Patient : No idea.
Me : Doctor A?
Patient : No idea.
Me : Doctor B?
Patient : No idea.
Me : Doctor C?
Patient : No idea.
Me ; *sighs* I'll go and check with the PAs. Have a seat, sir. I'll be back to attend to you shortly.

After running one round throughout the entire clinic...

Me : Sir, I can give you Doctor A, he can do the scope for you. Is it okay?
Patient : Sure.

After register...

Patient : Miss, I got this letter with me in my pocket. Do you want it?
Me : .......... (You made me run one big circle and all this time you have the referral letter in your POCKET???) Sure. *opens the letter and feel like slamming my head on the table, Doctor A name is written in bold on the top* (FOR GOD'S SAKE) Oh, good thing I registered you under Doctor A cause your doctor gave you his name.
Patient : Oh...
Me : *sighs* Okay, take this to the clinic and you're all set. Thank you.

After he had left...

Colleague : Kiddo, that guy is really blur.
Me : Uh huh. Can't believe I ran one big round and all this time he got the letter with him.
Colleague :*jokingly* Next time, ask him if he remember to wear his pants.
Me : Huh? Why?
Colleague : If he can't remember anything, then he wouldn't remember to wear his pants.
Me : Oh. OH....
Colleague : You get my joke?
Me : Yep, yep. I get it. *mutters* Pants...

That's all for now.